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When he starts driving a Winnebago and bungi jumping, I’m voting him off the island

Yesterday, an office coworker declared her love to me.

I think it was because I looked so totally cute yesterday, with my little houndstooth blazer with its little leather accents. I was way cute. I said so myself, in fact. That’s when she told me that she loved me.

I’m only partially cute today, wearing my ‘Yellow Hornet’ outfit of black pants and bright yellow fleece pullover. My hair doesn’t quite look like man hair today, but it’s thinking masculine thoughts and wanting to read Playboy. Just for the articles, though.


Yesterday morning, my sister Mo invited Esteban and myself over to her house for dinner. She made hot beef and was very excited about sharing her culinary delight with us.

‘Sure, we’ll come!’ I said.

‘Great, can you stop at the store and buy some buns? We don’t have any.’

I’m trying not to think that she invited us over to fill out her menu.

While we were there eating dinner (Esteban drinking out of a Blue’s Clues plastic cup), my niece Abby visited the bathroom and then lingered there.

‘Did you wipe your butt?’ Mo shouted to her.

‘I don’t want to!’ Abby shouted back.

I, of course, went into hysterics. It doesn’t really translate in type as to how funny that was, but, trust me, it was very funny.

Wouldn’t the world be a different place if we didn’t have to wipe our butts? I’m certain that bathrooms would not be the production that they currently are. There would be rampant public excretions also. The whole concept of butt wipe-age has in some ways, defined our society. The feeling of poop being bad comes from the fact that you need to wipe your butt. By no means am I suggesting that butts should go unwiped, but I’m just saying ‘Imagine a world where you didn’t NEED to wipe your butt.’ You know, like if poop came out in little Nyquil caplets or something.

Fish don’t wipe their butts.

Cats don’t wipe their butts, but sometimes they should.

But then, I suppose that poop wouldn’t be nearly as funny as it is today. Some fool would find a way to recycle it. Michaels would show how to use it for decorative flower arrangements or something.

I later told Abby ‘I don’t want to wipe my butt sometimes either.’ She gave me a conspiratorial look and made a funny face at me. I made the funny face back at her. She looked satisfied and went on to steal a pickle from the cupboard. It is possible that the funny face was a secret sign and I have now joined the Anti-Butt Wipers society. I’m not entirely certain.


I hope someone will tell me if I ever get too weird for Diaryland.


Esteban gave me a new toy to play with at work.

He’s got a NetBox at work and one of the features is a web-monitoring device, complete with camera.

I, of course, sent out the URL to all my friends. ‘Watch Esteban at Work!’ the subject line said.

Yesterday afternoon, Esteban had a crowd of women watching him around my monitor. I called him and told him to do something funny. He waved. Everyone laughed. People are strange sometimes. He’s become quite the celebrity around my office. Reality TV at its finest.

Reality PC?

But I guess our sexcapades at his office are at an end.

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