Skip to content

Monthly Archives: October 2001

I do believe in spooks… I do I do I do I do believe in spooks!

Here’s that ghost story I promised: First off, you should know that my mother was nomadic in my earlier childhood. To get some idea of exactly how nomadic she was, I have lived in no less than twenty different homes (not including my dorm room in college) in my life and only four of them […]

I’m thinking of tattooing the word “What?” on my forehead

Boo. Today I’m dressed as Grumpy Ear Ache Girl, most noticeable by my rendition of her trademark cry: ‘What? What? I can’t hear out of that ear!’ Yesterday, I spent exactly 45 minutes at work. About five minutes of that was spent tenderly trying to insert my headphone, which is like a hearing aid and […]

Thank God I can’t get pregnant from that orifice… that would be a hell of a birth!

So, I’m thinking of pitching this movie to Hollywood producers. Here’s the gimmick: a girl who only goes out with men who drive foreign sports cars gets flummoxed somehow by Rue McClanahan’s breasts so that when she looks at men with pieces of shit cars, she’ll think they’re Porches and Jaguars and the like. She […]

I made a list today instead of an entry

Approppo of nothing, here is a list of things I don’t think I’ve written about here, but maybe I have. Anywho, here it is. 1.&AAk-I played flute in our high school marching band. 2.&AAk-I lettered in forensics, newspaper, band, Academic Decathlon, and drama. 3.&AAk-My IQ score is supposedly quite high. 4.&AAk-I suck at math. 5.&AAk-My […]

Fuck your facist beauty standards, Farrelly Brothers!

I’ve been trying to figure out what bugs me about the new movie Shallow Hal for a couple of days. You know the one where Gwyneth Paltrow plays har har a 300 pound woman guffaw who looks like Gwyneth Paltrow when seen through the eyes of an asshole ha ha who has been afflicted somehow […]

I’m a joker, I’m a tainter, I’m a laughing fainter

Ok, I must preface this entry with the fact that I have had a mysterious free-range organically grown headache for the last three days. I attribute it to the fact that I must be having an estrogen fiesta in my body and it’s hormonal, but nearly everyone at work has the exact same headache. It […]


My head hurts. I’ll tell you why tomorrow. Now I’m going to bed. And no, it has nothing to do with the ass splinter.

The soundtrack to hell has exactly four notes

Today, in a rash of strange behavior that benefits our credit rating, I decided to try to pay Esteban’s credit card over the phone, where it would get there on time and not be hampered by anthrax, small pox, or premenstrual syndrome. Big mistake. I went to their web page to get the phone number […]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through their house, no one could move a muscle so Auntie didn’t feel like a louse

Oh my lord, I am suddenly so cranky I can barely stand myself. Why, oh why did I have to attempt to shop for Christmas today? It just reminds me of one of the things that drives me utterly insane: Christmas with Esteban’s relatives on Christmas Eve. No, not spending time with them, as they […]

Mo and Steve from Blue’s Clues, sitting in a tree

I went shopping during lunch, trying to stave off the ‘Oh my god It’s December 18th and I haven’t done a single stitch of Christmas Shopping’ thing. I haven’t really gotten into the Christmas shopping mood yet. I walked into the store and immediately saw about fourteen things I wanted for myself. I found a […]

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...