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Monthly Archives: March 2002

Adventures in Naked Plumbing

First of all, it’s Codeman’s birthday on Sunday, which is Easter, and his dad, Roadie Pig, one of the classiest diarists around, would like everyone to wish him a Happy 17th Birthday in his Guestbook. So be a sport and Sign it. Go ahead. I’ll wait for you to get back. See. I waited. Anyway’. […]

Sticking with Not!Dogs from now on… for reasons like this

I just had a serious moment of misjudgement. I had quilting class tonight and skipped dinner beforehand in order to make it to the class on time. I didn’t want the Quilt Nazi to slap her ruler over my knuckles or anything. Because seriously, have you ever seen quilting rulers? They are not like normal […]

All I ever needed to know was found on Premium Cable Channels

The furnace girl came in yesterday, as she said she would. I know. I was floored too. And the kid with the fever was doped up on Children’s Motrin so he managed to keep his temperature below 100 until 3:30 when the daycare called his mom and told her to come and get her sick […]

Half day smaff day!

They are having a bake sale at work today. Inexplicably, it starts at 6:00 a.m and by 8:00 a.m. most of the goodies are gone. In the morning, you walk in to empty trays and baking sheets, only crumbs left to tease at what goodies were there to be had. I suppose the concept is […]

Proof that prepackaged sweetened cereal is the work of the devil

Last Friday, as I was driving down to Milwaukee, I embibed a little Mocha Chocolatte Creole Lady Marmalade sans Starbucks Guy. As I opened my gullet to consume the energetic nectar I was suddenly hit with throbbing pain. What the…? It seems as though one of my fillings had suddenly become extremely sensitive to heat. […]

The one where I run out of things to write about

I didn’t watch the Oscars. I took one look at them, at Joan River’s emanciated little skeleton with her raspy voice and her “Look! See! I’m a human! I’ve reproduced and then my mate killed himself” daughter Melissa and I feel slightly faint, as if I had just inhaled a combination of bleach and ammonia. […]

Weetabix proves she refuses to bow down to pressures from the man!

Man. Weird weekend. First off, it technically started on Thursday night, right after my incredibly stupid phone maneuver threw me off kilter. I got to quilting class an hour and a half late, and immediately proceeded to kick some serious cotton covered ass. The Quilt Nazi declared my quilt ‘Perfect’. I’m done with the middle […]

Now I have the urge to call my mom and see if she has Prince Albert in a Can.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. I have done what is possibly the stupidest thing I’ve done in my entirety as an adult. Seriously. I can’t even believe how stupid I am. So yesterday. I was sitting at work, having just figured out an exceptionally hard problem that has been beating me up and […]

You ain’t got a thing, if you ain’t White Trash bling bling

This morning hath begun the day that diets forgot. First off, it snowed. Not a little bit of snow, something that one could use a clever meteorological euphemism with, like “a light dusting” or “a little winter frosting”. No…. this was more like “the big dump after a night of heavy drinking and mexican food […]

Rhymes with witch

Oh my good lord. I almost took it to the ring with Esteban’s grandma Gen. The same woman whose own son Ward chose going to Vietnam rather than spending another moment with. I mean, can you imagine ‘Hmmm’. People trying to shoot me’ or life with Mother’ easy pick.’ I can hardly blame him. The […]

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