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After my alarm clock went off yesterday morning (or, you know, tweeted, because I have a zen alarm clock that lights up like the sunrise and then starts chirping like birds for about fifteen minutes before the annoying buzzing starts) I wandered, bleary-eyed, through the dining room, past the window that hasn’t been fitted with a new window shade.

Out in the murky darkness, there was movement. A dark figure hovered about six feet above the snow.

I jumped and took a deep breath, lest it be my last. Floated. Flying! Moving! Alive! Not only was there someone, someTHING in my backyard, staring at me from the gloom, but we obviously had a paranormal situation out by the Evil Rosebush.

However, once my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized that it was a transient Valentine’s helium balloon, partially deflated by the cold air. Through some strange turn of events, Esteban just happened to be awake, so I was less frightened initially than I would have been had he been comatose in the bedroom, oblivious to any subsequent Ring girl sightings or something. Instead, I just sort of laughed nervously to cover my adrenaline rush and then went on to the shower. It hovered and danced a bit across my backyard and then when I passed through again, it was gone. But a surreal way to start the morning, nonetheless. And also, hello to months and months of ‘It’ flashbacks.

Yes, I know it’s been almost twenty years since that evil miniseries, but I am still traumatized by it. Just like the twins in the original Shining, sometimes art is the very manifestation of the places in the human soul that are very very dark indeed.

I’m sorry, but what kind of world is it when Tim Curry is cast as an evil clown? Proper English butler, absolutely. Saucy genius transvestite, hello salty goodness. Big horny Lucifer type.. um, ok, sure, I can go with that. But terrifying clown with shark teeth? That is just not right, people. Not right!

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