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Getting into my underpants

I made a discovery recently that makes me question how I live my life. I recognize that I have a clothing problem, that I treat fashion with the same zeal that I treat all things wonderful: more more more nom nom nom. I have regular purgings and trend annihilation (for instance, those stupid convertible bras? They are worthless in every variation! I’m sorry, you are out! Auf Weidersehen!)  on a seasonal basis. That’s why I was so surprised when I opened the bottom drawer on my dresser in search for ski socks (damn it’s cold)  and found not a stash of long johns and cold weather gear but instead dozens upon dozens of carefully folded underwear. Apparently during one of my clothing overhauls, I had abandoned the cold weather drawer and turned it into an underwear drawer annex and then forgot all about it.

It’s a sad state of affairs that I had taken about half of my underwear out of rotation and hadn’t even noticed them missing. My only defense is that growing up poor with a neglectful parent does crazy things to your brain and now I am as a squirrel for winter, but my nuts are in my panty drawer  (That came out wrong.)

The crazier thing is that I don’t even REMEMBER half of these panties. At some point, apparently I had a field day buying a bunch of stuff from Torrid, things I don’t even understand wanting, much less wearing. In the time it took for me to forget my panty annex, I have gotten very serious and adult and feel weird wearing Tinkerbell on my crotch.  So boring.

What I  have here is a case of a Panty Drawer Time Machine.

I really have to wonder about the taste level of Past Bix. For instance, a black and white striped number with a skeleton on the front, complete with dialogue tag that exclaims “You’ve been warned!”. Why would I want to warn people away from my panty region?Clearly I wasn’t giving enough though to my personal branding should be that of welcome!

This is sarcasm, by the way.

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7 Comments

  1. Jake wrote:

    Well, you did drive a Monte Carlo and got excited about your summer pair of White New Balance tennis shoes.

    Everyone grows up sometime.

    Wednesday, November 24, 2010 at 9:48 am | Permalink
  2. lisa-marie wrote:

    I would say welcome to Grown-Up Land, but it sucks to be here.

    Wednesday, November 24, 2010 at 11:33 am | Permalink
  3. Allyson wrote:

    This is Hilarious, by the way! No really, I laughed my head off on this. I can’t imagine finding such a treasure trove, as I’m digging insanely in my ONE drawer, daily for any avilable pair. So, the question is…what will you do with the bounty?

    Wednesday, November 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm | Permalink
  4. There are now bits of ham sandwich in my keyboard.

    Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 10:10 am | Permalink
  5. Nimble wrote:

    The time capsule panty drawer, what a concept.
    I also feel like an acquisitive squirrel when I’m putting away linens. I love the feeling of having clean, folded towels, sheets and blankets in my stash. I only have one closet of them but it could get out of hand at any time.

    Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 1:41 pm | Permalink
  6. Joan wrote:

    After reading this, I am now compelled to go to the mall and buy all new undies. Hundreds of them!!

    Tuesday, December 28, 2010 at 7:19 am | Permalink
  7. mz.em wrote:

    Hi Bex:

    It was good to see your entry. I know this thing about underclothing drawers. I also found out that having someone other than you doing laundry you lose things. Somehow, I am missing most all of my bras. Go figure.

    Be well,

    mz. em

    Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

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