I made a discovery recently that makes me question how I live my life. I recognize that I have a clothing problem, that I treat fashion with the same zeal that I treat all things wonderful: more more more nom nom nom. I have regular purgings and trend annihilation (for instance, those stupid convertible bras? They are worthless in every variation! I’m sorry, you are out! Auf Weidersehen!) on a seasonal basis. That’s why I was so surprised when I opened the bottom drawer on my dresser in search for ski socks (damn it’s cold) and found not a stash of long johns and cold weather gear but instead dozens upon dozens of carefully folded underwear. Apparently during one of my clothing overhauls, I had abandoned the cold weather drawer and turned it into an underwear drawer annex and then forgot all about it.
It’s a sad state of affairs that I had taken about half of my underwear out of rotation and hadn’t even noticed them missing. My only defense is that growing up poor with a neglectful parent does crazy things to your brain and now I am as a squirrel for winter, but my nuts are in my panty drawer (That came out wrong.)
The crazier thing is that I don’t even REMEMBER half of these panties. At some point, apparently I had a field day buying a bunch of stuff from Torrid, things I don’t even understand wanting, much less wearing. In the time it took for me to forget my panty annex, I have gotten very serious and adult and feel weird wearing Tinkerbell on my crotch. So boring.
What I have here is a case of a Panty Drawer Time Machine.
I really have to wonder about the taste level of Past Bix. For instance, a black and white striped number with a skeleton on the front, complete with dialogue tag that exclaims “You’ve been warned!”. Why would I want to warn people away from my panty region?Clearly I wasn’t giving enough though to my personal branding should be that of welcome!
This is sarcasm, by the way.
7 Comments
Well, you did drive a Monte Carlo and got excited about your summer pair of White New Balance tennis shoes.
Everyone grows up sometime.
I would say welcome to Grown-Up Land, but it sucks to be here.
This is Hilarious, by the way! No really, I laughed my head off on this. I can’t imagine finding such a treasure trove, as I’m digging insanely in my ONE drawer, daily for any avilable pair. So, the question is…what will you do with the bounty?
There are now bits of ham sandwich in my keyboard.
The time capsule panty drawer, what a concept.
I also feel like an acquisitive squirrel when I’m putting away linens. I love the feeling of having clean, folded towels, sheets and blankets in my stash. I only have one closet of them but it could get out of hand at any time.
After reading this, I am now compelled to go to the mall and buy all new undies. Hundreds of them!!
Hi Bex:
It was good to see your entry. I know this thing about underclothing drawers. I also found out that having someone other than you doing laundry you lose things. Somehow, I am missing most all of my bras. Go figure.
Be well,
mz. em