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Monthly Archives: November 2001

Press 7 if you have lost your will to live

Does snot have calories? I’ve been swallowing an awful lot of it the last few days and I’m wondering if it is hampering my efforts at losing some of the extra ass I have. I really need to be Holly Homemaker this weekend. Our living room has gone to seed. All of the shopping I’ve […]

19 cans of soup on the wall, 19 cans of chicken and star or tomato soup!

After the thing about the soup, I checked our pantry. We have 19 cans of Campbell’s soup. All lined up on their very own shelf. It’s like Andy Warhol had sex in our pantry. Don’t ask me how it’s like that. It just is. Somehow, somewhere, I became the person at work that everyone says […]

I’ll bet they never would have gone on that camping trip if they woulda had some soup

I came home tonight and Esteban was listening to the banjo song from Deliverance. “This is the song from Deliverance!” I said, walking into the house, looking cute, but not as cute as yesterday. “Yeah?” Esteban countered. “It’s just music.” “I know, but there’s something singularly disturbing about walking into the house and finding your […]


I work near a bunch of military type facilities. Some mornings, I see incredibly fit men and women jogging past me, their breath steaming out of their mouths in white clouds as I drive past them, sucking down an Egg McMuffin and jumbo Diet Coke. This morning, they were all in camo and it reminded […]

This is your Weetabix…. on drugs

Oh my god, I am so stoned on Nitrous Oxide. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! The pretty colors! Look at all the pretty colors!!!! So, I’m lying there and I gave the dental hygenist a piece of my mind before she gave me the gas. “The last time I got drilled, he had to give me seven shots before […]

Smile if you like the smell of novocaine

Dang I look cute today! Yesterday, I went shopping for clothing, part of my continuing quest to selfishly buy items for myself rather than Christmas presents for my friends and loved ones. But hey, I got some hot clothes, though. Two pairs of pants, a black blazer, a charcoal blazer with matching charcoal skirt, a […]

Citation for being Brunette in a Blonde Zone

Sometimes I think that life would have been so much easier if I had remained a blonde. I was born a blonde, you see. I was a blonde for the first seven years of my life until my hair gradually darkened. Then I was a blonde in the summer and a reddish chestnutty blonde in […]

Will this be cash or check?

It is currently 7:17 a.m. I have been awake for two hours. God help me and my stupidity. But first, yesterday: Esteban and I always have a rule about non-Christmas holidays’ whichever family invites us over to dinner FIRST gets us. We hate eating two big meals in one day. We hate shuttling ourselves all […]

The boring Thanksgiving entry

Things I am thankful for this year: Jason Alexander’s television show was canceled. Buffy is now on FX five days a week! My family is healthy and strong. I have a wonderful loving husband, a decent home (getting better every year), a job where I can surf the internet freely, and two loving albeit annoying […]

And they call it Poopy love…………

I’m going to apologize up front for this entry. Really. It’s dwelling on poo far more than is probably prudent. You were warned. I think I got food poisoning from the bagel place this morning. I stopped in and got a whole wheat bagel with no fat cream cheese and a half French Vanilla Cappuchino/half […]

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