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And the shark jumped high that day

Russell Crowe: Hey there Weetabix. I heard that your bloke Esteban is leaving you all alone on Valentine’s Day to work on his project. How about I take you out, Gladiator-style?

Weetabix: Oh my! Russell Crowe! Wow. This is really something.

Russell Crowe: Isn’t it though? Aren’t I sexy?

Weetabix: Um, well, I can’t really deny that.

Penn Jillette: Don’t listen to him! (to Russell) Don’t you like waifish little blonde things?

Russell Crowe: (doesn’t know what to say, so he fixes Penn with his steely magnetic stare)

Penn: Want me to make him disappear for you, Weet? Then you and I can make some magic.

Weetabix: (giggles) Oh my! Penn!

Henry Rollins: #$@!@! How are you doing, baby?

Weetabix: Um, Penn, meet Henry Rollins. And that’s Russell Crowe.

Henry Rollins: Nice to %&#(@# meet you, Russ… Penn. What kind of #!&$ name is Penn anyway? These guys aren’t asking you out, are they Weet? Because I was thinking you and I could maybe thrash a little tonight. I heard you were quite the punk rock girl once upon a time.

Weetabix: Well, I had something quieter in mind tonight. I kind of partied myself out last weekend.

Penn: (sticks tongue out at Hank)

Sting: Yeah, so you chaps could hit the road. I’ve written Weetabix a melodic jazz tune with which to woo her.

Weetabix: Wow! Really!?

Henry Rollins: I got a new tattoo of a chubby tinkerbell! And you’re delusional if you don’t think I took a lot of heat from the other guys in the band over THAT.

Starbucks Guy: But what you really want is a piping hot Mocha Latte. Right, my little car thumping girl?

Weetabix: Teehee! What are you doing here?

Starbucks Guy: I heard you’d be all alone on Valentine’s Day, so I figured we could drive around and thump.. I mean, listen to music, and stuff. (grins adorably) I brought you this bouquet of free Starbucks coupons.

Weetabix: Thank you! You rock!

Hawkeye from Last of the Mohicans: Weetabix…. I will find you. No matter how far you go, no matter how long it takes. I will find you. No matter what occurs. I will find you.

Sting (singing) Every breath Weetabix takes… Every splinter she intakes, every kitchen she paints, I’ll be watching her….

Russell: Excuse me, but I’m on her list you know.

Sting: (still singing) I dream of rain a-lay a-lay a-lay I dream of gardens in the desert sand, I dream of Weetabix a-lay a-lay a-lay and the hopes of replacing Esteban!

Penn: I almost made the list, but for my cursed red fingernail! I’ll cut my finger off for you Weetabix!

Weetabix: No, really, that’s not necessary.

Jimmy Stewart: What do you want, Weet? Do you want the moon? If you want it, I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for you. Hey! That’s a pretty good idea! I’ll give you the moon, Weetabix.

Henry Rollins: Holy $&#^! Dude! Aren’t you dead?

Jimmy Stewart: Yeah, and you’re going to be wishing you were in a minute because I’ll give you what for!

Henry Rollins: Dude, back off. I’m not going to get into a fight with a dead guy. They don’t have anything to lose.

Sean Connery, in James Bond mode: Weetabix, my little curvy round sex goddess. Forget all of these children and come for a ride with me in my Martin… Astin Martin.

Russell Crowe: You don’t want that old guy when you could have my rakish charm, do you?

Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff: Don’t you mean Raif? It’s pronounced Raif, you know.

Russell Crowe: I said RAKISH you limey bastard. Why don’t you go wander the moors a bit?

Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff: Sheep$*#&!*.

Russell Crowe: At least I’m a gorgeous sheep$*#&!*.

Esteban: What is going on here?

Weetabix: You’re home!!!!

Henry Rollins: Aw $*#&!*.

Esteban: Well, yeah, do you think I’d leave you alone on Valentine’s Day… but I see you’re not alone! What’s the dude from Highlander doing in our living room?

Sean Connery, in James Bond mode: Charmed.

Weetabix: Um, they heard I was all alone and then they just showed up. (to the other men) I guess I won’t be needing you boys after all.

Sting (singing) I’m so happy I might start crying… Esteban showed up on V-Day and took my Weetabix away….

Hawkeye from Last of the Mohicans: I will wait for you, Weetabix. No matter how long. I will wait. Stay alive. I will wait and stare poignantly into the setting sun. I feel it more deeply than any stirring in my heart could imagine.

Ralph Fiennes as Heathcliff: You’re really annoying, you know that?

Russell Crowe: I may be dumb, but at least I’m pretty.

Penn: Well, this sucks. You guys want to go get a beer or something?

Starbucks Guy: How about a Latte?

Esteban: Your diary is really jumping the shark, you know that?

Weetabix: Yeah, I know.

 

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