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The Ice Bowl Cometh

I want to share something with you that will undoubtedly leave you horrified and give you nightmares and it is this: it is currently 1 degree here right now as I am typing this. A degree. That’s it. And that’s not even wind chill. The windchill threatens to set us into the next ice age. If this is the last you hear from me, know that it is because I was eaten by a glacier.

When I got in my car this morning to drive to Starbucks and also to the grocery store (because yeah, wait until the morning of a home Packer game and THEN go to the grocery store’ how strategic!) I didn’t buckle my seat belt. Normally, this is an automatic and I don’t even remember doing it, so I don’t really even think to do it, it just sort of happens, a spontaneous occurrence much like singing in musicals or the appearance of ear hair on men. So when I stopped at the intersection and kind of realized that I was all loose in the seat, I was sort of amazed that my subconscious decided to risk my safety than wrap that cold strap around my body, thank you very much. I then clicked it (which is the code when Abby’s in the car’ Click it! Click it or Ticket! I love rhyming threats for children) and went on my merry way, feeling much more secure and right in the world. I think if I were a man, I would likely be adamantly against freeballing too.

I blew through Sbux then braved the grocery stores, ostensibly to pick up eggs, bread, orange juice, and a newspaper, which apparently cost $113. Then went home where I spent the rest of the day hiding from the unbelievably frigid weather. There, Esteban and I immersed ourselves in football, first watching the tragic Detroit/Minnesota game in which I actually found myself moaning aloud when a bad snap ended it all (which sounds like the plot teaser for a story about a drag show gone ugly’ heh heh’ insert your own joke here) and left a poor rookie crying on the bench as the Vikings kneeled their way into victory (which sounds very porny).

I for one am very much against the kneeling thing. I’m against unfair trickery of any kind. Play football, you pansies. You should try until the end of the game. I know that there’s not much sense in that, but it bothers me at a very basic level. If you’re worried about running it because the other team might get the ball, then simply don’t drop the ball. If they get the ball, they deserve the ball. The offense’s job is to try to make points, not take a knee three times until the clock runs out.

And then there was the sad state of affairs with the Packers, which I watched in crystal clear HD so it seemed even more insulting. It was just bad all around. I mean, they had the perfect famed nasty cold Packer glory weather and were playing a team from Florida! It’s like God himself was handing them the win. And with five minutes left in the game, they would have had to make a touchdown AND a field goal to get ahead and yet, they are still walking around nonchalantly, with zero sense of urgency. Gah. Frustration all around. So then I watched an OC DVD and Cohen lost his virginity and Ryan and Marissa broke up, so the balance of the universe has been restored.

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