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Con tease

This morning, while leaving my daily voicemail greeting, I had to seriously suppress the urge to say ‘Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya. Today is Thursday, March 2 and I will be in the office all day. At the sound of the beep, please leave a message and also please prepare to die.’ I suspect there’s only one person listening to my voicemail anyway, and never my clients. My clients don’t care. One day, I might just say ‘And I’m not wearing any panties.’ Just to see if I get fired. They raised price of bottled soda in the cafeteria by a quarter. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Pie came over last night to christen the new season of Amazing Race. We like the nerds and their nerd theme music, with its peppy clueless piano tinkling. I especially like the nerd girl, because she runs with this silly little arm swaying thing. One of the members of Team Alpha Male reminds me of Ethan Embry and reminds Mo of Luke Perry. By the end of the episode, we were calling them Team Nipple Ring. I was disappointed by the gay guys, because they imploded about three seconds out of the gate. Also, why go on the Amazing Race if you don’t like to fly? Have you WATCHED the show? Did you think that all 40,000 miles would be traveled on the back of a yak?

In honor of Ash Wednesday and the fact that Pie works for Pope Hilarius University, last night I made saut’ed tilapia to go with the South Beach approved brown rice, steamed asparagus and tossed greens. I always forget how easy it is to make tilapia. I think it freaks me out because of the spoilage factor. I’m always certain that everything is going to hell within seconds of buying it, and the fact that they put it on ice JUST TO GET IT HOME is frightening. It’s like you’re carrying a cooler and someone is waiting for a transplant. I can’t deal with the stress, this ticking time bomb of delicate white fish.

I have to spend next week in Shermer Illinois again. I’m staying at a different hotel, which should be interesting. I got really accustomed to my made-to-order mushroom and cheese omelet each morning, so I hope this new hotel also has mushroom and cheese omelets. They will have internet access, damn it, that’s one thing I’m certain. Also, I’m taking my own car this time. No stinking Pacifica. Not that my car is better but–oh never mind, it’s totally better.

I guess this is what you talk about when you don’t know how to talk about something. You fill the space with words and hope you can sort it out by the end of the page. And sometimes, you don’t quite manage it.

Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya and there’s a Minicon recap to come. Until then, there’s 77,000 new words on the Flickr page and I’m wearing a very cute pair of pink boy-cut panties.

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