Things that have made me laugh over the last two weeks:
Imitating golf commentary as delivered by Maya Angelou
Re: exchange following the above conversation:
“Yeah, but my father isn’t a politically oppressed black woman.”
“He would be by the end of the poem.”
Re: Insufficient robes at the local day spa
Weet: Whoa, my boobs are totally going to defy this robe.
Mopie: Mine isn’t so bad. These are weird robes.
Weet: Ok, it works. My boobs are covered. Wait, I feel a breeze. My hoo-ha has defied the robe.
Mopie: That’s so hot.
(Later)
Mopie: Who knew that cucumbers were so good for the eyes! I can’t believe how efficient this is. How do they work exactly?
Weet: I think it draws the water out, maybe?
Mopie: Maybe I should cover my whole body with cucumber slices.
Weet: I don’ft think my ass is really just 100 gallons of Dasani though.
Mopie: Are your eyes all tingly too?
Weet: Yes.
Mopie: Maybe I need one for my hoo-ha.
Weet: You wouldn’t even need to slice it.
Both: (snort and make inappropriate sounds for the Sanctuary)
At a Starbucks in Shermer, Illinois: a tough biker dude waiting for his frappuchino, swaying a little bit to the music in the background, then shaking his hips, then doing a white guy dance hop side to side. The song playing is “You Make Me Feel like a Natural Woman” and the feeling that I have suddenly walked into a Dove Love Your Body commercial.
Esteban and I went to X-Men 3 (where Wolverine may get his skin torn off, but his super hero boxer briefs are apparently impermeable, damn it) and saw the preview for “Snakes On A Plane”. We started laughing immediately, while around us, everyone was clearly clueless. Which made us laugh harder.
My mother, telling me that she called to wish me a happy birthday but I was on a business trip to Shermer, Illinois. (I left for Shermer the day after my birthday.)
Mopie and I went to see “The Lake House”. Eric renamed it “The Notebox”. I asked Mopie were the Box part came in, since I figured it was some kind of play on the movie “The Notebook” and “Something With A Box In The Title”. Mopie’fs very patient answer: “Because it’s a box, that you put notes into.” Given that “The Notebox” is from the creative genius behind “Bareback Mounting”, I probably gave him too much credit.
Esteban and I went to lunch at one of the million sports bars in town, as he was craving hot wings. Personally, I detest hot wings, because they are gross, except for the exact minute that the waitress delivers his hot wings and they look good, and then I eat one and remember that they are gross. While this little internal drama was going on (“Mmmm! Those look so good! And smell spicy! Maybe they aren’t just skin and gross veiny things that make me swear off chicken for three weeks?”), we were watching something on ESPN2 called Viking Challenge or something like that. It originated in Japan, and they have an extreme obstacle course plus they have to do math. It might just have been the best show ever created, although someone should probably fill them on one simple math equation:
Words to live by, people. Words to live by.
