Right now I’m eating little carrots with dill dip from the vending machine at work.
Sadly, I would call them “baby carrots”, which is what I always thought that they were, but they aren’t.
Baby carrots are merely big old carrots, cut down with the ends carved into rounded pleasing shapes.
Faux baby carrots.
Which cost more than regular old, long, hairy carrots.
Baby carrots, that are not baby carrots, somehow taste better than straight cut blunt finger carrots.
When I was a kid, baby carrots were still baby carrots and we got blunt cut carrots for dinner, blunt cut carrot sticks in our lunches, plucked from damp sandwich baggies. Carrot coins as snacks with yellow middle CBS eyes looking out at you. And no dill dip either.
Then someone started carving big carrots into baby carrot shapes and selling them. The poor people bought em up because they thought they were somehow nouveau and classy. The rich people bought em because they just don’t know any better.
Now the real baby carrots just look overpriced and no one buys them anymore. Compared to the fake baby carrots, they just look like a mistake because they seem to be the exact same thing, just more expensive.
And the poor people laugh because for just $1.45 more a bag, they can get cute baby carrots rather than big old hairy carrots for 49 cents.
And poorer people still are loading big hairy carrots into carrot carvers, that whittle and peel and exfoliate the orange rods into cute little pellets.
And true baby carrots are left in the ground, due to poor sales, to become long and tough and then get whittled down to baby size again.
