Boys, boys, boys.
The question has come up: if you could sleep with anyone without guilt or repercussions, who would it be. The girls and I have limited it to famous people so that it wouldn’t be weird, but this brings up an interesting question. Who would you sleep with? Who trips your trigger? It has to be limited to five guys.
My personal list was a soul searching event and I learned a lot about the nature of sexual attraction. Every guy on my list is a guy who I could like personally, guys who show a tender side. Intelligence scored high. There are no Arnold Schwazeneggers or Jean Claude Van Dammes on this list, nor on the lists of my friends. The closest thing to that is one girl who listed “The Rock”, who is a strong manly man, but he does a lot of work with children charities and is considered “a good guy”, so this ostensibly could be a sensitive side to him.
In the polls of my friends, the most popular names which appeared were: George Clooney, Mel Gibson, Sean Connery (yes, the 72 year old man!), Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, and Kevin Costner. All very manly and all have shown sensitivity in their movies. However, some strange entries appeared, such as the aforementioned Rock, Alan Jackson, and Danny Zucco (the fictional character portrayed by John Travolta in Grease). While fictional characters are, in my opinion, as waste of list-space, the idea is interesting. Has the unlimited search for a woman’s perfect five men been so limited that we are now forced to pick from non-existant men? Can only authors give us what we want?
I had a hard time narrowing it down to the final five. I, for example, have the hots for Johnny Knoxville, of MTV’s Jackass. He’s reckless, sexy, and likes to laugh at his friends getting hurt. I find him incredibly sexy in this Bad Boy sort of way. Plus, he’s the only guy I’ve ever seen make those motorcycle-cop sunglasses look good. Everyone else either looks like Erik Estrada from CHiPs or a member of the Villiage People. I also have a slight thing for Penn Jillette, of Penn and Teller. Again, a Bad Boy thing, I think. Plus, the thing with the red fingernail. Why red? Why only one nail? And he’s gigantic. I have a need to be smaller than the man I am with. We don’t need Freud to figure that one out, do we?
Another “bad boy”: Chris Sarandon about 20 years ago. In “Fright Night” he oozed sensuality. That character was so elegant and slick… he could bite my neck any day. Now, however, the years have not been kind and he bears an uncanny resemblance to Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Um, pass.
Then there’s Patrick Stewart, who plays Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Sexy. Strong. Aquiline nose. Bald. Yum. Older man, yes, but with an incredible accent and a yummy bod.
Aidian Quinn. I have found him sexy since he played “Dez” in “Desparately Seeking Susan”. Why did Rosanna Arquette get all the men? First the song “Rosanna” was written about her when she dated the guy from Toto. Then the song “In Your Eyes” was written about her when she dated Peter Gabriel. Then she gets to romp with him. Seriously, though, check out Aidian in “Legends of the Fall”. Honey Biscuit.
Tom Hulce was so sexy as Mozart. I’m hot for men in white wigs and tights. I am only hot for him in this movie though.
Ralph Fiennes. Raif. Gotta love a guy whose name is Ralph and he has the balls to say in an immaculate English accent, no less, “Um, well, no, my name is actually Raif”. He plays a prick so well. He’s not a nice person in English Patient. Neither of them are, actually. They are both horrible people to everyone around them. But he’s irresistable. He’d have made the top five but he played such a detestable Nazi in “Schindler’s List”.
I also could see doing the mambo with Ralph’s little brother, Joseph.
For something completely different: Ed Norton. “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise”. He loses points for jumping on Roller Girl’s bod, but still, I love a man who makes me think.
I ran into trouble actually narrowing things down. I could come up with many men I could do the horizontal with, but not any that I wanted to “waste” a top five spot with. There were several top 10s or top 20s. The men listed above made the top twenty somehow, however I didn’t rank them. That would be the logical equivalent of laminating the card.
Fictional characters scored high with me also: specifically Daniel Day-Lewis’ Hawkeye in “Last of the Mohicans”. Nothing makes a girl more ready to romp than his “I will find you. No matter what occurs. I will find you.” speech. Plus, he was wet when he delivered it. Wearing buckskin. But I have a hard time wasting a spot with something that is not possible. (Not that it’s possible that Esteban would allow me to get groiny with a famous guy, just because I listed him on my imaginary list)
So, here’s the list, in no particular order:
Russell Crowe: The man drips sex. Doesn’t matter if he’s playing a cowboy, a gladiator, a neo-nazi, or an overweight balding corporate squealer. That Aussie’s got a touch exterior and what has to be a heart of a teddy bear. His voice is growly and his eyes go on and on. His bod is true and real world. Heeessshh!
Brendan Fraser: Had the hots for him since “With Honors”. I sat through “Bedazzled” people, that’s how sad it has gotten. “George of the Jungle” just clinched it. Again with the loin cloth.
Sting: This one is voice alone, as he has aged a little too much since the days of “Dune” and “The Bride”. Still, when I saw him in concert last summer, he was sporting a chubby. I’m sure that he sensed me in the audience. Esteban might have to worry about this one.
Goran Vsijnc (Luka on ER): Love him. Love his cro-magnon essence. Love his Serbo-Croatian accent. Love his uni-brow. He always looks dark and brooding. He is occupying the spot that Robert Smith of the Cure would have had if he wasn’t so femmy.
Last but not least: Antonio Banderas. I had a dream about him once and he picked me over Madonna. I’ve had a soft spot for him ever since, because he clearly recognizes quality over glitz. Plus, he was a hottie in long hair in “Interview with a Vampire”. And then there’s the accent. So that’s it. Who’s on YOUR list?
