Last night, I told Esteban about the whole Unclebob thing and I think he’s getting a little jealous. Also, he was disturbed that I’m calling him the Burgermeister. He wanted you all to know that he’s not the Burgermeister. Then he gave me this whole performance anxiety about the diary, talking about page hits, unique users, and stuff.
He is SO the Burgermeister.
We watched “The Emperor’s New Groove” last night. Then Esteban called me a DVD whore, which I am, I guess. Since our DVD player purchase, I have gained “Gladiator”, “Amadeus” and “LA Confidential” in DVD form. And that’s not counting “Bring It On”, which I purchased before we had a player. But I wear the badge of “DVD Whore” with honor, thank you very much, if it means more highly-defined Russell Crowe on our television screen.
I think I talk about Russell Crowe too much. People are going to start thinking that there’s a thing between us. And I wouldn’t want that whole Meg Ryan thing going on again. He was very hunted by the stalkerazzi over that shenanigans. Russell’s very sensitive. He’s an innocent soul trapped in a big hunk of salty goodness.
Hmmmmm.
What was I talking about again?
Oh yes, “Emperor’s New Groove”, which is about David Spade being turned into a llama and then John Goodman befriends him. And I say David Spade and John Goodman, because apparently the animators decided that they liked the actors so much they’d just use their body styles to create all the characters. So for the John Goodman guy, they made him a large gentle giant with a heart of gold and gave him a tan. For the David Spade Emperor, they drew a little uptight skinny runty guy a black wig and “Shake and Bake” tan. Big stretch, huh? Eartha Kitt looked like Eartha Kitt, without the tan. She even got turned into a kitty cat at the end which is most certainly a shout-out to her stint as Cat Woman on “Batman”. Her sidekick guy was voiced by the guy who was Puddy on Seinfeld. And you know what? He was Puddy from Seinfeld, in cartoon form. So tell me this: why the heck didn’t they just put a lot of bronzer on all the actors and just film a regular movie? I mean, the Genie from Alladin didn’t look like Robin Williams. Was he hairy? No. Was he short and swarthy? No. He had Robin’s weird nose and that was about it. However, I’m very thrilled with any excuse to have Eartha Kitt do her weird wiggy thing, so I shouldn’t complain.
I’m the only adult I know who not only owns ToyStory and Little Mermaid, but I have the Aladdin and the Little Mermaid soundtrack living permanently in my car’s CD player. Esteban and I saw ToyStory at the movie theatre three times. We saw The Lion King three times. At the theatre.
My husband and I are like 12-year-olds who like to have sex. And The Mouse is our cocaine dealer.
And it pissed me off to no end that the Disney Store doesn’t make Ariel “Princess” t-shirts in 3X. ‘Cause then I’d be the coolest 30-year-old seventh grader on the block.
Wait. I already am.
And it bothers me that I’ve so bought into the whole Disney coolness that Eisner is trying to shove down our throats. Because the world is not like that. Sometimes the guy’s villiage gets blown over for a swimming pool and the adorable but spunky poor kid just ends up bitter and alone, regretting his honest ways. Simba would have eaten that meerkat and warthog without even a second thought.
Today, my friend Fern took me to Tony Roma’s rib joint for lunch. Feeling oddly lulled by the bucolic scenes on the drive over, I had ribs for lunch.
Folks, ribs are best eaten naked. In the bathtub. Definately not for lunch when one is wearing a white shirt and when one needs to go back to work afterwards. One might look as though one gave Chef Boy-Ar-Dee a blow job.
I’m not saying *I* looked like that, mind you. Just saying that one might.
Man, this is one subpar entry today. Maybe I’ve jumped the shark.
Damned Burgermeister and his performance anxiety.
