That's My Bix!

have their lives taped… the Germ World Today is more or less back to normal. I’m back at work and doing the “I’m freezing/I’m burning up” thing. God, people are going to think that I’m doing the menopause thing. Next thing you know, I’ll be lying on the floor hugging the toilet because it’s mercifully cool.

Last night, in my Nyquil delirium, I watched bits and pieces of the Real World Reunion. They were all glorifying ‘Real World’ and they even had a professor from Syracuse University who said that watching ‘The Real World’ made you a better citizen or human being or something. If that’s true, it’s by accident, because the only reason I watch is to see twenty-somethings drink way too much or possibly jump into a pool nekkid. Oh, and to feel really old. Because I’m too old to appear on the Real World, except possibly as someone’s disapproving boss or something. Then I’d get to say great lines like ‘That house needs an enema’, like the daycare director in the Boston season.

Not like Bunim-Murray would ever pick Green Bay as a fabulous location for Real World Season 12 or something, but wouldn’t that be funny? Give the Seven Complete Strangers a farm to run? With cows? Make them live in the barn, in the hay loft.

But that would be cruel. To the cows. PETA would be all over their shit when they’d forget to feed the cows or they’d be walking around in poo that’s four feet deep. If the Miami cast couldn’t figure out how to spend $50,000, the Green Bay cast certainly wouldn’t be able to function on a farm. And they’d probably cast another idiot like Puck who’d try to butcher a cow.

I have to add that this reunion was way cooler than my high school reunion. I mean, people were actually dancing. There didn’t seem to be any spouses or strange boyfriend/girlfriends to baby-sit.

Most reunions have those stupid superlatives, so I thought I’d provide the ones for RW:

Most changed: Jon Brennan (LA) looked as though he was the love child of Garth Brooks and Kelsey Grammer. Lindsay (Seattle) was disturbing in her blondeness. The last time I talked with someone who was that energetic, I later learned that they were hooked on cocaine.

Most unchanged: Ruthie (Hawaii) and Flora (Miami). It could be said that the true psychotics are the people who continually do the same things over and over and are surprised when they achieve the same results. Hmmm.

Most disturbing hair: Toss up between Jason (Boston) with his weird page boy thing, Pam (San Francisco) with her Color Me Unimpressed look, and the afore-mentioned Sun-In poster child Lindsay (Seattle).

Too much screen time: Tec (Hawaii). How many times did we need to see ‘R to the E to the A to the L to the Worrrrrrrrrrld, y’all!’ It was like they were filming his rehearsal of this line. Also, who gave Dan (Miami) a microphone? And why? I think Beth A. (LA) got more screen time in the reunion than she did during the entire time she was on the show.

Noticeably absent: Janet (Seattle) might not have showed because she didn’t want to see Jason (Boston) after their ill-fated romance. Irene (Seattle) hasn’t attended even one reunion. Why? I love her kooky spaced out psycho routine. Plus, I sort of hoped she’d smack Steven a little bit. Because I’m sure he wouldn’t have laughed about it. He would have decked her, anger management or not. And speaking of the emotionally unstable, didn’t you half want to see Montana go at it with Amaya?

Biggest Waste of Real World ‘Experience’. Rachel (San Francisco) becoming Sean’s (Boston) brood-mare. Didn’t she go to college? Wasn’t she a political science major or something?

By the way, if I glorified cold medications, I did not intend to. Basically, they have the same alcohol equivalent to a shot of bourbon. So when I say ‘Nyquil’, I really mean ‘booze’. Just so you know.

Ok, I still haven’t fully recovered from the effects of my nasty cold. (Snark sniffle)