My sister and I went shopping for shoes. She found a pair of leopard print mule sandals for $5. Size 8 ‘ wide.
‘Do you wear a wide shoe? Is that the right size?’ I asked.
‘No,’ she says, ‘I wear a size 8 ‘ regular’. But the wide fits better.’
Um, doesn’t that mean that your shoe size should be 8 ‘ WIDE then? Who are you fooling? I’m certain that the shoe cashier is really impressed with your regular foot width, sis, but is it worth having the virtual foot binding?
I wear a size 12 shoe. Yes. They make them that big. Real women have real shoe sizes.
An acquaintance of mine went to see a Poison concert this weekend. They’re playing in a big tent in the parking lot of the local Indian Res Casino. You know that video for ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorn’? That was filmed at a concert here in Green Bay, at the second biggest venue in town (the biggest being Lambeau Field). Now they’re doing parking lot tents.
Apparently, they were selling autographs and pictures after the concert. $2 for a picture with a band member of your choice. $2 for an autograph. She got C.C. De Ville to autograph her hiney. Then she had the autograph tattooed so it’s PERMANENT.
Is that ‘hooker’ or what? I can not think of a single person’s autograph I’d want TATOOED on my body. Anywhere. Maybe William Shakespeare, but only if the bard himself did it. What is the purpose? I can only imagine that you’d be at a bar and be engaged in an argument ‘No, really, I MET C.C. De Ville! Look!’ and then you’d pull down your drawers.
No matter which way you look at it, it’s trash.
I’ve been reading Rubydragon’s diary, which is all about porn. Your daily dose of feminine sex, if you will. Don’t read it at work. It will be on your screen for 7 seconds until your boss walks by. Guaranteed.
It’s making me feel all ‘The Story of O’ or something. Wow. Like, I almost want to tell you all that I give the world’s best blow jobs.
And speaking of blow jobs, is there anything that makes you happier than looking at a picture of a young smiling Donnie & Marie Osmond? I have a picture of them on my desk, because they make me smile, looking at those clean-bred, corn-fed Mormon smiles. I used to have a Donnie & Marie doll. I think I made Donnie regularly have incestous relations with Marie. I’m certain that this is why she recently had a major breakdown. All that guilt.
Oooh. Doll porn. I think most little girls had their first sexual fantasies ‘fleshed’ out with a willing Barbie and Ken. I remember one time our babysitter caught me performing strange tantric Mattell orgy. Unbendable limbs were entwined and all were caught up in the heat of their intense rubber passion. My babysitter laughed at me, that I thought that the missionary position was so HOT and FORBIDDEN. I remember that she told me ‘You know, there are things that people do to each other that you WOULD NOT BELIEVE!’
For years, as I’d learn of new weird sexual oddities, I’d wonder ‘Was that it? Was that what I wouldn’t have been able to believe?’ I’m certain she probably meant something benign, like the fact that someone would put their mouth on something that pee came out of, but now I wonder just how wordly that 17-year-old babysitter was. Did she know about anal sex? Was she a practitioner of rimming? Or what about that shrimping thing that someone mentioned on my last trip to Key West? When I was 8 (or even 18), I’d hear of some new sexual oddity and then wonder “Was that it? Is that as unbelievable as it can get?” Now that I’ve heard about the people who get it on with stuffed animals, I’m starting to realize that I’ll never cease being amazed by sexual variety.
Oh man, I can only envision the weird Google searches that this entry is going to show up in.
The Renaissance dress is DONE!!!!
Woooohooo! I modeled it several times already at work. It’s really nice having an empty conference room with no windows nary twenty feet from my desk. “Modeling the latest in 17th century fashion, we have Weetabix, jauntily melding classic empire lines with slutty cleavage-baring exhibitionism. Watch out Anne Boleyn! This girl obviously has an eye for an impressive cod-piece.”
Good lord I’ve been so busy today that I didn’t get a chance to post this until realllllly late! Whooo. Must get back on schedule tomorrow.
Have you Seen These?
2001-06-27 Mattel introduces Slutty ‘Ho Barbie!
2001-06-26 More Fart humor at Casa Weetabix
2001-06-26 Poet-Collab: Tea Poem
2001-06-25 – SUBLIMINAL {new} MESSAGES {bra} REVEALED {needed}!!!
2001-06-25 – Monkey Bars 1, Small Child 0, Weetabix -342
