I’ve noticed a disturbing trend each morning this summer. Every morning the alarm goes off and I get up and turn it off. Then I flop back into bed or get up, walk through the house, go to the bathroom, then walk back into the bedroom, presumably to get dressed, but instead fall back into bed to sleep the sleep of living dead girls everywhere. Then I wake up super late for work, throw on whatever is handy, put my makeup on in the car and speed off to work.
Today, I look like some kind of feral child. My hair is all crazy because I slept on wet hair (taking a shower at night allows me more valuable minutes of stolen sleep in the morning), so it is sticking out at strange desperate angles. I have eye crud that I only minutes ago removed from my eye. I put my makeup on in the car, which sounds extreme but I am validating it by the fact that it IS natural light and therefore is oh-so-much-more effective for makeup application. I am not wearing socks. I also have a sticky tape stripe down the middle of my chest where the sticker used to be on my $7 T-shirt.
I was obviously raised by wolves. Want some crackle?
Last night I had a dream about Scott was touching many, many boobs. Then he was covered in boobs. He had them everywhere. Weird dream.
(Thought I’d throw you a bone, dude.)
Some more thoughts for the list: Kenneth Branagh. Now there’s a hottie. However, I’ve heard disturbing rumors about his ego and he also said some entirely nasty things about his ex-wife Emma Thompson, who fails at any movie set beyond 1930. Yet, his “St. Crispin’s Day” speech in “Henry V” makes me a little weak in the knees.
Also, Edward Norton is again raising my eyebrows. What a yummy morsel of inner conflict that man is. But then there’s the Heather Graham issue. She dicked Dirk Diggler and never even removed her rollerskates once. Ok, that was a movie, but still, she seemed very comfortable with doing that. My lesbian friend M.K. was completely in lust with Rollergirl, but I just don’t see the fascination.
My. “Dicked Dirk Diggler”…. wouldn’t my high school AP English teacher be proud. Both alliteration and assonance in one glorious phrase. Mrs. Appel, even though you were a complete and total bitch, I still learned something from you.
Last night, I mentioned to Esteban that I wanted to watch “Friends”.
He said “I think you’ve seen this one, Weetabix.”
“Which one is it?” I asked.
“The one where one of them does something stupid and then they try to keep it from the rest of them and wacky hijinx ensue.”
So I made him read me the information from the cable guide. “Winona Ryder pops into Central Perk in a repeat from March that proves once and for all that Rachel does indeed have a racy side. Ryder plays Melissa, Rachel’s sexy sorority sister, who may or may not have shared a secret smooch with Ms. Green at a sangria-fueled frat party. But when Phoebe refuses to accept Rachel’s claims of the illicit liplock (“You’re so…vanilla”), it’s up to Melissa to clear the air. However, Melissa’s memory of the night in question turns out to be just as questionable, forcing Rachel to put her money—and Melissa—where her mouth is. Meanwhile, Chandler has a hard time picking out his wedding tux after Ross rents one worn by a former Batman.”
“Was I right?” He kept asking, laughing. Fine. Whatever. However, I think he stole that line actually from Chandler, who was talking about “Three’s Company” in a different episode.
And he says that “Friends” is a useless waste of time. AHA!!!!!
I think I might be a horrible friend. My friend who is going to have a baby any minute had a baby shower. And I forgot about it. And now I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t called me to yell at me for not coming, but I’m certain that she’s very upset or hurt or whatever. It wasn’t my intention to not go, I just completely forgot about it. I should call her. But then, this is the girl who moved to Seattle and neglected to even tell me or call me and say ‘good-bye, I’m moving to Seattle, see ya.” I guess she was very upset that I didn’t ask her to be in the formal wedding party at our wedding, but I did ask her to read a very large part of the ceremony. Honestly, at that point I wasn’t very close with her and we were having a smallish wedding. Perhaps in retrospect I should have asked her to be a bridesmaid and just had an additional male usher, but then, hindsight is 360 or something like that. So I’m just a horrible friend. With feral hair.
I am the weakest link. Goodbye.
