You know, a few weeks back on Saturday Night Live, they had a skit about ‘Where are the Now’ for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and it got me thinking.
What the fuck was up with that movie? Wonka is a freaking sociopath! River of chocolate’or river of lost souls? And that fucked up boat ride with Wonka screaming that messed up chant about ‘will the rowers stop rowing?’ And I think that at one point, they beheaded a chicken. I’m not making that up, either. I swear they beheaded a chicken in that movie. And worms’ there were worms in it too. I think the filmmakers were reliving some weird acid flashbacks or bad trips.
I mean, Veruca Salt always struck me as having the Electra complex as deigned by Freud. I’m willing to bet that there’s a porn movie takeoff of the movie ‘Willy Wanker and the Cock-A-Lot Factory’ complete with Veruca exclaiming ‘I want it now Daddy!’
And the Oompa Loompas’. God, an entire book could be written on the messed up thing with the Oompa Loompas. They don’t like fat people, that’s for sure, which is ironic, since they work in a chocolate factory. And that bizarre dance they do where some of them stand on their heads and the others grab their feet? That’s messed up, right there. Are the Oompa Loompas asexual? I don’t remember any female Oompas! Maybe they were busy beheading the chickens.
Wanna scare the shit out of the Taliban? Show them that movie. Show them how we’ll suck them up a tube full of liquid chocolate or turn them into a big fucking blueberry. That will turn their bowels to jelly, right there. And the fact that this is a kid’s movie’. That explains every problem that the Boomers have with the Gen Xers’. Look at what they gave us to watch to shut us up as kids!
That and Sleestacks, it’s a wonder we managed to become productive members of society whatsoever!
