Setting: Friday night driving home from dinner
Esteban: Do you want to go to Home Depot and look at light fixtures for the kitchen
Weetabix: NO!
Esteban: What?
Weetabix: That’s so lame!
Esteban: Why?
Weetabix: Going to Home Depot at 8 o’clock on a Friday night to look at light fixtures.
Esteban: How old are you?
Weetabix: 30.
Esteban: Welcome to your thirties.
Weetabix: Well, I guess we can go. I’d like to look at wallpaper borders for the bathroom anyway.
Esteban: No. No. No. We’re not going now. It’s LAME. Instead, we’ll go back home, you’ll go on the computer and play The Sims and I’ll finish watching my new anime DVD and then we’ll go to bed. Because THAT won’t be lame.
Weetabix: Well, it’s avoidance of lame.
Esteban: Yeah. That’s it. You know, just because you partied like you were 18 in Milwaukee doesn’t mean that you’re not a lame old 30 year old.
Weetabix: You are so positive.
Esteban: (affecting a French accent) Iz eet nut true? Zees fact dat you err therrty?
Weetabix: Let’s go to Home Depot.
Esteban: But eet iz zat which ees lame!
Weetabix: No, it would be COOOOOL. Like the Fonz. Cool. Ayyyyyyyyy.
Esteban: (pointing at a cop car) Look, zat ees a peeg, zere ees a beeg peeg!
Weetabix: That’s not politically correct. They’re just punitively challenged Americans.
Esteban: Uh-huh-huh my lizzle anal-retentive grammar girl! Au Chantay! Eef we don’t go to ze Home Depot, I weel talk like zis all night, in ze French accent, non?
Weetabix: Ok, then that’s worth not going to Home Depot. Just to have you do this all night.
Esteban: You have ze three seconds to tell me because there’s the exit for Home Depot. One’. Two’
Weetabix: Fine’. Go to Home Depot’.I thought you were going to do it in French.
Esteban: Zat’s what I zaid, (in an even more exaggerated French accent) One’ ze Two’. Ze Three.
Weetabix: Not Un’ du’ toi’ Because that’s how people in France talk’ they just say English words with really thick accents.
Esteban: Zat ees what I am saying, non?
Weetabix: You are 8 years old.
Esteban: (affecting a Hindu accent, which is basically gleaned from Apu on the Simpsons) You know veddy well dat I am turty one years old.
Weetabix: What the heck is that?
Esteban: Zat happeeens sometimes, non? Zee Hindu just takes over.
Weetabix: (looking at the big orange Home Depot sign) It’s really hard to be this cool.
Esteban: (moving eastward to Australia) You got that raayght, old chap.
Weetabix: ‘Old Chap’ is British.
Esteban: (Back to ‘normal’) I know, but I can’t do a British one.
It should be noted that the pinnacle of excitement of the night was when Esteban farted in the ceiling fan aisle.
Yeah. We’re so damn cool it actually tingles.
