just for fun… I’m not certain whether or not I should be concerned, but my body smells like codeine. I think it’s coming from my pores. I smell like Glaxo-Wellcome or something. I’m going to be so embarrassed if someone asks me what scent I’m wearing and I have to reply ‘Cherrytussin’.
That’s because choosy codeine whores choose cherrytussin generic codeine cough syrup.
I almost asked Unsurly Girl what happened to Starbucks Guy, but the Matt Damon barrista gave me my mocha instead this morning. I haven’t seen Starbucks Guy since the day before Valentine’s Day. I think he’s joined a monastery or something after hearing about Esteban, my sugar daddy. That’s probably why Unsurly Girl hasn’t been surly. With the exception of while I was sick, I’ve been maintaining a Two Starbucks A Day habit, with Caffe Mocha in the morning and Chai in the evening, in hopes of seeing his flirty caffeinated goodness. I was up until almost 1 a.m. two nights ago because apparently Chai has caffeine in it too. Wish someone had filled me in on that little detail.
Now instead, I’m moping and playing ‘All By Myself’ from the Bridget Jones soundtrack instead. If I were feeling better, I’d watch Bring It On but I don’t have enough stamina to do the cheerleading routines along with Torrance and Missy. Yes, I know. I’m very wrong in the head. But it’s Eliza Dushku people! If Eliza says ‘Ready Ok!’, you just gotta be movin’ that bulbous ass! You just gotta do the jazz hands!
This webpage got a hit on Google for ‘Weetabix +Mo +Pictures’. Mo wasn’t all that impressed when I told her that she must have a fan. She’s offered to let me take a picture of her with my digital camera, but I’m not sure that we should pander to the random Googlers. If you have a Mo fetish, send me an email. I’d be happy to forward it to Mo’ after laughing at you a lot, of course. Have I told you that she had me make her a rip CD and one of the songs on it was an N’Sync song? And she’s got the hots for Steve from Blues Clues. And let’s not even discuss her Ricky Martin infatuation’ yes, even now she wants to have her bon-bon shaken by his Menudo-ness.
She tried to convince me to sleep over at her house tonight to babysit Abby so she could go to Milwaukee and party. I begged off since I’m still getting over the killer flu thing and don’t want to get Abby sick. She whined and said ‘You won’t get her sick!!’ I replied ‘Act like a mom, not like OUR Mom.’ Which I thought was really clever, but she didn’t appreciate it. I’m not sure how she has gotten a fan’ she has absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever.
Man, today completely sucked from an all-over standpoint. I had some ugly problems to fix’ ugly problems which made my head hurt and feel like Chester Copperpot, skewered by a nasty One-Eyed Willy shish kebob, instead of the normal crack team of adorable misfits and a cute red-headed cheerleader tag along to maintain aesthetics. I actually literally fled the building at 5:30 pm, half an hour after I was supposed to have been long gone. Esteban was waiting to pick me up outside in his truck and he was all brain-fucked and stressed out as well. Then we ended up having a stressful dinner followed by a wicked little ten-minute fight. Esteban and I don’t have very many fights, if not only for the reason that we have completely different fighting styles. He’s a quick temper and quick releaser’ flies off immediately into tangents but then extinguishes just as quickly. I, on the other hand, am slow to ignite, remaining calm when he’s in a tizzy and ramp up to mad very slowly, maintaining logic and a stable demeanor, but if you press my buttons, baby, watch out because I’ll be burn for a long long time. He’s like tinder, I’m like coal. However, tonight, for whatever reason, I went to 11 almost immediately. Probably because I’m still not feeling up to par, haven’t had chocolate in a really long time, and I’m half hyped on estrogen martinis. He’s promised to remedy what I was pissed about and I promised not to be huffy about it for the next twenty-four hours to give him time to fix it. It was equitable, I guess. I hope that was our fight that we predicted was going to happen last weekend.
To calm myself afterwards, I went through Starbucks and got another Chai. Ok, I learned my lesson the other night, but it’s Friday and I don’t care if I’m up too late tonight. I have a beautifying appointment tomorrow morning and that’s no big. I may just sit on the sofa all night and suck the insides out of dozens of Advil Liqui-Gels. If you swish your mouth with Diet Coke afterwards, they kind of taste like Good & Plenties.
Women are such strange creatures. Or at least I am. Sometimes, I could live like a feral girl, clothing strewn everywhere, knocking Starbucks cups out of the way as I get into the car. When I scoff at the Sims game because I know that old garbage doesn’t draw flies THAT fast. And then there are other times when I fixate on buying the expensive light bulbs because they might make the white paint look whiter in our living room and I think about putting a peg board on the inside of my medicine cabinet for my makeup brushes, and outlining each one, so I will always know which one goes where. I am the gender equivalent of sweet and sour chicken.
By the way, what the heck is up with that new Survivor??? Could that island BE any more easy to live on? God, why didn’t they just have it at Olde Country Buffet or something? I have to say, though, I love that one team (The Muu-Muus? Puu-puus? The one with Hunter and the girl with the genetically impossible chest). I can smell the dysfunction brewing already, despite Hunter and his sexy biceps and exquisite leadership skills. And Tupac made me laugh and laugh, with his many descriptions of Snotty Boob’s mammaries. I’m glad that they got rid of Yoga Breathing Man. He creeped me right the hell out. He had the look of a UFO abductee. And when he smiled, it gave me chills. Smart move there, even with Grandma as ballast. When in doubt, kick Crazy out.
That being said, I would be so the first one kicked off the tribe. It’s not even funny. My tribe would have no use for my clever catch phrases.
