Once upon a time, there was a curvy round sexy girl.
And she drove a white Monte Carlo. Which was also curvy and sexy. At least sexy to white trash Nascar wannabes who mate with their cousins and drink lots of Yoohoo mixed with Cr’me De Menthe.
And this curvy round girl wasn’t a white trash wannabe, actually. She just lived in a land far removed from the rest of the world. A land in which the good fine hardworking people of the area actually thought they looked cool when they put foam dairy products upon their heads. Our cute curvy girl has never done such a thing, so we can forgive her choice in automobiles.
In fact, this was a land in which most of the butt wipe is made. Without this far-off place, the rest of the world would be using palm fronds and anthrax-laden Weekly World News to wipe their tender behinds, thus we should be indebted to the good foam dairy products-wearing people for their contribution to our world, especially when you consider the fact that their beautiful landscape gets polluted horribly because we like nice pristine white toilet paper rather than off-white natural toilet paper.
But we digress.
Our girl didn’t make the ass wipe. But she liked to think that she was a bad ass. But only in small safe dysfunctional ways. Such as by wearing fake leather clothing. Or driving her white trash car around with an empty gas tank.
Or by taking pictures when she is driving on the freeway.
Including self-portraits which show how short her new haircut is, as well as her impossibly groomed Mr. Spock eyebrows.
Even though she had most of the hair on her face painfully ripped out once a month, she still refused to adhere to fashion dogmas that necessitate ridiculous clothing or starvation.
And then she ran out of things to write about, so instead she went home to her home which smells like cat pee but her 19-year-old cat looked so cute that she couldn’t be mad at her.
