Weetabix: I don’t like Cordelia’s new hair. Esteban: I think it’s cute. Weetabix: It’s all blonde and’. blonde. Esteban: I think it’s real cute. Weetabix: You always have a thing for blondes. Esteban: She’s a cutie. Weetabix: But do you think she’s cute? Esteban: Yeah. I like it. (affecting some psuedo-German accent) Eet ees because […]
The Lovely Carissa did a very incredible thing this weekend. She received her degree after years and years of going to school in the evenings, balancing a full-time job and two kids under the age of 5. But she had kind of a lousy graduation ceremony and I’d like her to know how cool she […]
I had a strange man in my bed last night. (Not a single person who knows him would argue that Esteban is strange.) And oh, what horrible people we are. We woke this morning, fully intending to go to some Esteban clan familial function, with his grandmother and his strange extended family, including his uncle […]
You know what seems to be the most ridiculous thing on the planet? No. Not the ‘Police Academy’ movies. And those are really sadder than anything. Anyway’. Bedroom slippers. What the heck is up with people who wear bedroom slippers? I mean, seriously. Why do you need little pretend shoes inside your house. Do you […]
Yesterday, I went to work wearing a rock star ensemble. Actually, it was fairly mundane, with a purple t-shirt and black trousers, but it began to rain as I drove to work, so I threw on the red crocodile pleather jacket and immediately went from pony-tailed, letter sweater “Summer Nights” Sandy to “I got chills […]
I didn’t die in the tornado. I finished the grilling at 9:30 at night… in the dark. Even though I couldn’t see them, the burgers won raves at the department potluck and gave me the Self-Sacrifice Award. I have this entire fantasy where I go on a food game show like “Iron Chef”, only it’s […]
So potlucks. I got somehow roped into organizing a potluck at work. And that involved somehow various overly processed meat products. Yeah, that’s a great idea. Give the former vegetarian the job of meat-wrangling. Go team. I procured mass quantities of various hot dogs, wieners (because they ARE the same thing. Yes they are! Don’t […]
Does anyone have Brendan Fraser’s phone number? Because the cat is away and this mouse feels like having some play. Oh not really. Relax. But I do feel a bit as though my parents are gone for the weekend and left me the keys to the nice car. Like, now I kind of want to […]
Esteban: (farts under covers) Weetabix: (swats him gently) Aahhhhh!!!! Flag the covers! Flag it!!!! Esteban: (waving corner of the comforter around) You hit me. Weetabix: You farted directly on me. Esteban: That’s no excuse to hit me. Weetabix: Directly. On. My. Leg. Your noxious ass fumes. Esteban: Seriously. You’re a spousal abuser. Weetabix: Arrrgh. You […]
Esteban: (farts under covers) Weetabix: (swats him gently) Aahhhhh!!!! Flag the covers! Flag it!!!! Esteban: (waving corner of the comforter around) You hit me. Weetabix: You farted directly on me. Esteban: That’s no excuse to hit me. Weetabix: Directly. On. My. Leg. Your noxious ass fumes. Esteban: Seriously. You’re a spousal abuser. Weetabix: Arrrgh. You […]
