It’s one of those weird weekends where time slows down. I’ve noticed that they only seem to happen about once a quarter, and it almost feels a bit of a waste for it to happen on a weekend that is a nothing weekend. Although it is nice today, nice yesterday too although not as nice as today. I suppose it’s better that an extended weekend happen on a beautiful day rather than a dreadful one.
I had a half-day on Friday, to make up for working hella hours earlier in the week/over the weekend. When I left work on Friday, I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to drive to Appleton to shop at the big mall, drive to Milwaukee (about two hours away) for Torrid and spices and possible Hootchie Mama store action, or just go home and make myself a sandwich. I ended up going home, making a sandwich, and then noticing my Prescriptives color analysis sitting there. I’ve carted that thing to San Francisco and New Orleans because we do not have a Prescriptives counter in Green Bay. The closest one is Appleton, but the closest real counter, where they do the custom foundation blends, is in Milwaukee. I took it as an admonition from the Goddesses of Shopping that my ass needed to go to my favorite mall in the world and get myself some good makeup. And chubby punk girl clothes.
I blew down there, bebopping on caffeine and my newly created Techno mix CD. I stopped downtown at my favorite spice store, then went out to the ghetto to find a Hootchie Mama store. I did, but there was nothing that really looked promising. Perhaps the magic is gone after the first time. I’m so disappointed now. The good store, with the excellent clearance merchandise, was downtown. The girls at the ghetto stores pick the racks clean, leaving strange fashion crimes against humanity in their wake. I do have my Rock Star jacket from there, but truthfully, it’s bittersweet. Carissa was picking me up at 8, so I had to leave by 5 to make it home by 7. Then it was off to Mayfair Mall, which is where I would like my ashes scattered when I die. When I pulled into the Mall’s parking lot, it was quarter to five. Not good. I rushed up to Torrid, found only a hot pink t-shirt advertising a Wench Auto Mechanics and some black rubber bracelets and received some overly friendly attention from the female store manager. The store is going through some wacked Avril Levigne phase right now and it was making me feel really old. And they had the short plaid skirt that I covet, but only in the Barely Curvy sizes. Then down to Prescriptives where I blew way too much money on lipstick, lip gloss, eye shadow, and a $50 bottle of something called Line Preventer, but I call ‘Crevice Filler’. It makes the foundation look better or something. Crazy girl logic.
I wasted even more precious minutes by scouting for a Sbux. The girl barrista checked me out in a very obvious way. Apparently I was sending out the vibes again. I then sped my way out of Milwaukee, fighting rush hour and avoiding the traffic delayed freeway. About fifteen miles north of the city, the caffeine in my Venti Mocha hit and I was scream singing to Weezer and Green Day, trying to suck up as much cool radio station as I could before I lost them the static. I missed two phone calls with the screaming. Not to mention, the road noise is rather incredible at ninety miles an hour. Chauffi called at one point, having just visited the hospital for allergy shots. The conversation was something like this.
| Chauffi : Oh my god, I was just walking out of the hospital with my eyes closed and yes, my allergies, I got shots and I walked into a pole and some women came over to help me and was like ‘Oh my god, there’s a hospital right there, let me take you’ and I was like ‘I know I just came from there’ and she was looking at me all freaked out like I was some crazy person’.I lied to them and told them I had a ride so they’d give me the good drugs, so now they gave me the good drugs and I’m serious, I have like five different drugs here and they gave me this shot and holy hell it is the best thing ever! I love steroid shots’ Of course she did! YES! I know! I love that shot! That shot is definitely the bomb! Listen! (inhales) Did you hear that? That was my nose!… Excellent!… Oh god is that the radio now? Ah, because I was like’you need shoes, why didn’t you get shoes get shoes why do you always buy so much makeup it doesn’t make any sense when you could be buying shoes’ gah! My bus is here have a good weekend. | Weetabix: Hi! Oh my god! Why were you at the hospital? Are you ok? Are you ok? Are you ok? Excellent! Rawk! That shot is the bomb! I love that shot! That shot is the best thing ever! I love that shot! I wish I had that shot right now! That’s why I didn’t get any sleep in San Francisco, you know, it wasn’t jet lag, it was because I was hyped up on Prednisone oooh I’m so happy for you! I wish I had that shot! That shot is the best! I have caffeine instead! And the barista checked me out! And I was screaming to Journey before because I lost the good radio station no it’s a cd and I didn’t find any clothes but I need jeans because all of my jeans are too loose wait I did get a shirt no I just got boots with my last paycheck and I think I spent half my this paycheck already and I have not even begun to shop but I have makeup because it fits and I simply cannot resist. Ok, be safe, take care, enjoy your shot. |
So the rest of the drive was more or less a blur, but I made it home by a little after seven and made myself look cute and was ready at the very moment that Carissa’s headlights hit my front door.
The Bad Bar evening really deserves its own entry, but the sexually charged highlights were as follows: Scotty Boom Boom showed up and got to see my sparkly cleavage; after asking them to play a certain song four or five times, Carissa asked me to ask them to play it, so I asked the Bald Bartender and he walked over and immediately played the song because he cannot resist the power of the Bix; Eric smells really good; I licked a trail of Pixy Stik sugar off of Penny’s thigh for Scotty; the Bald Bartender gave me several free drinks and also licked his finger and trailed it down his chest which I think was his way of flirting; I was given not one but TWO free bottles of Boone’s Farm; we were all doing ok with our level of sobriety until the Boone’s Farm came out; Carissa, Penny and I went outside and stood so that just the bottom of the window ledge was chin height and then lifted our shirts so that the people in the bar could see that we were flashing them but they couldn’t see what we were flashing and that made us giggle. A lot. And then later, Penny flashed us in her kitchen then later Carissa and I were talking about nipples so now we both know what each other’s nipples look like.
It’s a Bad Bar. That’s all there is to it. Bad Bar.
I had more to write but I must get dressed for The Andys. I have no idea what I’m going to wear and Esteban is balking on attending. He doesn’t want to walk down the red carpet and deal with the Rivers women. I suppose I could always call Russell Crowe, as he has been calling and calling, wondering if I wanted to split a limo with him. Gah. That boy is all hands.
