I’m in Minneapolis.
It’s very cold here. Also, some assfucker’s car alarm went off in the parking lot from 6:00 am until 6:23 am. Which is an almost unbelievable time for a car alarm to go off. I kept wanting to call down to the front desk and bitch, but then convinced myself that certainly the people were on their way to stop their damned alarm. And then they weren’t. And it kept going off. But now certainly they were walking across the parking lot to stop it. Certainly they wouldn’t allow their pathetic little red Nissan to *whoop!* *whoop!* *eh eh eh* *whoop!* (English ambulance sound) *whoop!* for twenty-three straight minutes while hundreds of people are trying to sleep in the three hotels that form a triangle around said parking lot. Certainly not.
You’d be amazed the things that you think you know, but which are not true.
Also, I was very excited to start my shopping day early, arriving at the Mall promptly at 9.
It doesn’t open until 10. Insert pained face of thwarted shopping joy here.
So, anyway, short entry. It’s hella cold here. I don’t know how M. Giant deals with it (by the way, he just had a birthday. And also, he’s very tall. And has brown hair. This parenthetical can be used as an alternate form of identification should he ever lose his driver’s license). And I spent the morning spending WAY too much money on ridiculous things, and for some reason, a saleslady with a bouffant at the Eddie Bauer Home store decided that she needed to learn everything there is to know about my house. And then I schooled her on thread count. Which was then summed up by the sentence “Just because it has a thread count, doesn’t mean it’s a good one.”
Also, another saleslady irritated the hell out of me and when I left, I said “Thank you. You’ve been very unhelpful.” To which she got all pleasant and said “You’re WELCOME!” and then squinched up her silly little face and processed what I had said.
Anyway, status of shopping: Mall of America: half done. I was a shopping machine, quite honestly. I actually got a cramp in my calf at one point and had to slow down and then stop at the Deck the Walls to stretch. They need some spectators standing on the sidelines, holding out cups of Starbucks. Excuse me, CARIBOU coffee. Ahem.
But the moral of the story is that Esteban and I have arrived and are having a splendid time, despite the almost unbelievably cold temperatures. More later. For more coherent diaries, go visit 12%. Because it’s funny like a drunken monkey. Or a squealing car alarm at 6 am. No, wait, the monkey is way funnier. Go with the monkey..
