Dear John Kerry,
I like you, ok? I know that you’re essentially running on the “I’m not Bush” campaign and truth be known, I voted for primal scream therapy enthusiast Howard Dean in the Wisconsin primary, but by then, the nomination had already been thrust into your surprised hands like a hot potato. But still. I think you’re ok. I’m willing to get behind your campaign. I even gave you money and I’ll probably defend most of your decisions because hey, who hasn’t flip-flopped their opinions on occasion, right? I know I have. Ask my husband. And the fact that your wife has two names? I love that. I always sort of hated the fact that Hillary got bullied into losing her Rodham by the brain trust and I love the fact that Theresa is flaunting her Heinz for all the world to see. It probably pisses the Republicans off and you know what? I like that too. But here’s the thing…
Can you please stop sucking so much?
I mean, really. We’re all trying here. We really are. You have no idea how badly some people want you to win. I mean, with every ounce of their being, John. May I call you John? Listen to me… just stand for something. Anything. Stop engaging in finger pointing about what did or did not happen thirty years ago (because seriously, who really hasn’t always known that Dubya is just a misguided frat boy who rode in on his Daddy’s coattails? This is no shocker!) . Stop listening to your political advisors. Stop being afraid that you’re going to say something that will lose you the election because baby, I hate to tell you this but yesterday I saw a Volvo station wagon with a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker on it. Think about that for a minute.
So stand for something, damn it. Otherwise you’re going to hand that moron his first legitimate presidential election, and we won’t even be able to blame poor Ralph Nader or the bigots in Florida this time.
Best regards,
Weetabix
