I have recently been exploring iTunes, because I live in a technologically backwards section of the country and when my friends win a free song on iTunes under their Pepsi cap, they save them for me. I did not ask for this to happen, it has just spontaneously occurred. I have some very nice friends and apparently I’m the only person in several social circles who has an iPod. I find this sad, if not for the reason that I’m not terribly cutting edge and yet, here in Cheddar Bay, I am the hipster. Which is just sad. That’s a huge responsibility, this being the hipster. There are new bands to research and discover before anyone else, there’s a new lingo to develop. I’d need to start using words like ‘erudite’ in my everyday speech and then look smug when people make a face like someone just farted. And let’s not even talk about fashion, as I’m woefully behind (mostly due to my woeful behind, but that’s beside the point). I mean, this hipster thing takes commitment, honest hard work. I don’t know that I have enough time to properly devote to this. I can barely keep up with the (fucking) laundry.
Anyway, because of this newfound wealth of yellow soda caps, I’ve been digging around on iTunes. I have to say, I really like how it’s organized, much like the iPod itself. I am always a fan of organization, especially when it is fluid and makes sense. This stuff makes sense. There are genres and then also, like Amazon, it seems to use some kind of sixth sense (or computer espionage, more likely) to figure out my listening preferences. Either that or I’m more mainstream than I’d care to admit. But one of the things it recommended to me was a collection of Gay Boy music. You see, there are specific mixes of Gay Girl music and Gay Boy music on iTunes. How convenient that must be for the gay population. I looked at both of them, and I have to admit, I am much fonder of the Gay Boy music than the Gay Girl music. But really, who would pick Jewel and Ani DeFranco over Abba and Erasure? No one, that’s who, because that’s just crazy talk. And when did Jewel become Gay Girl music, exactly? This confuses me. I thought Gay Girls had more taste than that. Or maybe it’s the tools at iTunes, wanking on Chick on Chick action. Regardless, this further supports the theory that I am just a gay boy in a curvy round package with girl parts. Which way to the bathhouse?
Of course, The Cure’s ‘Just Like Heaven’ is in no danger of losing its status as Most Frequently Played Song on my iPod, and if we’re profiling by song preference, I think that throws me right back into the Drama Club Fat Girls With Too Much Eye Makeup category. But this doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about Rupert Everett. I’m totally the right man for him.
Esteban : Where did you find rhinestone earbuds for your iPod?
Weetabix : Aren’t they cute? I got them on Target.com. Aren’t they totally me?
Esteban : They are indeed totally you.
Weetabix : They make me happy. I got a new condom too, so it’s all pretty now. I gave my iPod a makeover! It’s almost like I have a new one.
Esteban : I suppose, it’s not like you need a new one.
Weetabix : Well… mine IS almost full.
Esteban : Are you saying you want a new one?
Weetabix : No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that it’s almost full. I’ve still got a couple of gigs left and I can delete all that Christmas music from it too. It would be a waste of money to go out and buy a new one just to have a new one.
Esteban : But… in your princess heart of hearts, are you saying you want a new one?
Weetabix : (laughing) No, in my princess heart of hearts, I want a Jaguar.
Esteban : Right. I shouldn’t have asked.
Weetabix : One should not invoke the princess heart. One will never be happy with what one finds lurking there.
Fucking Daylight Saving Day.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that. Have a lovely week.
