When Elastic Waist Dot Com and Product Fiend ended, I have to admit that on some level, I was relieved. I mean, it’s hard to crank out 18 entries a week, entries that are polished and vetted and have the required amount of links in them, entries that are in some way relevant to the themes of said blogs, and somehow be witty and have an actual point or make a cogent argument one way or another. What I’m trying to say is that I was a little tired about having to express my opinions about, say, America’s Next Top Model or maybe the whole world of body image in a nut shell. Or maybe I was just getting tired of running verbal heats every morning. I wanted a break. I figured, three weeks, tops. And now, Technorati tells me that it’s been something like 248 days since the end of the Conde Nast gravy train, and I’ve updated my own blog just a handful of times. What the fuck is up with that?
I think it comes down to why we blog and to some extent, why we read them.
I used to write and post here all the flipping time. It felt good. I lived (and still do, actually) for your comments. Nothing made me happier. Even now, if I post something and no one comments, a little voice inside my head says “Is this thing on?”. I used to think it was the immediate gratification, but really, it comes down to why? Why would that be gratifying? Because someone is out there? Because someone says “Me too”?
The reason I read online diaries (back then, that’s what they were called) was because of one simple fact: I was lonely. I felt like I was alone. No, certainly, I’m married and cherish the hell out of Esteban, but it’s impossible for one person to be everything for another person. And part of my ennui with living in Wisconsin isn’t about Wisconsin itself. Let’s face it, it’s seriously one of the most beautiful states in the nation. It mostly comes down to the people. I feel a bit out of place here, or rather, as though I’m posing. I’m always in Clark Kent mode, dumbing down my vocabulary and pretending that my head doesn’t exist in a place that values truffled eggs over a grilled bratwurst. I have friends, of course, amazing local friends whom I cherish, but I can’t exactly discuss, say, the latest Kazuo Ishiguro novel with them, and when I talk about books, they really really don’t get it. And that’s ok.
So I looked to this space and started doing a brain dump. And then an amazing thing happened: people reached back. There were witty emails and IM sessions, and then real live meet ups and suddenly, a best friend, and then another, and then the first Weetacon, where I brought all of my smart clever friends who got me and put them into this environment where I felt like such a weirdo and they found it amazing and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was in exactly the right place at the right time. And then another one and another one and another one and another one and now we’re in the midst of planning Weetacon VI (March 5-7, 2010 mark your calendars) and I kind of can’t believe that this magical thing just keeps happening and I get to be a part of it.
And without the blog, that would never have happened.
So now I have friends who totally understand my slanty jokes and my sarcastic banter. They follow along and sometimes I have to struggle to keep up. They challenge me and put up with my bullshit and more importantly, call me on my bullshit. And they are such a blessing that I can’t even fully explain to them or to you how valuable they are to me.
Since I do root cause analysis as part of my job, let’s sum up: what had been in effect a one way friendship with the internet void translated into tangible relationships, thereby easing my loneliness and making me feel like a whole person for the first time ever. So I stopped feeling the need to update the blog.
Aha. That’s all well and good for me. Except that it isn’t. You see, as much as I value Monique and Jake and Shawn and the rest of my crew, I value you too. When I was waving my arms around, willing the universe to be my friend, I only paid attention to the ones that answered back, and that wasn’t fair. I had assumed that if you didn’t reach you, you didn’t care, a fact that was swiftly corrected during my blog sabbatical. I had been a shitty friend to many people. The readers who don’t comment (I know that you’re out there… the number of comments on a new entry amounts to about a tenth of a percent of the daily page views) and the readers who have always wanted to come to a Weetacon but are scared of meeting new people or being in a room full of strangers who might just leave them in a bathtub full of ice with a missing kidney. The people who check in during a boring conference call at work, or who are overseas and want a momentary glimpse of what it’s like to be a thirtysomething DINK with a shoe fetish living in a football town with an alphageek husband and a cat and a pug. What this amounts to is that I miss you. I miss being here. I miss this.
I miss us.
We’re sussing out the technical difficulties that have stalled the blog over the last 45 days, so you may see some changes (and this template is going to go soon), but it’s all good. The archives will be coming back (piece by piece, copy/paste each one… sigh). The photos will be new and glorious.
And I hope you’ll be back too.
34 Comments
I loved your comment about grilled bratwurst. It made me cackle because I totally agree with you. It seems to me that all Wisconsinites care about is the whole Brett Favre thing, Miller is better than Bud and a party’s not a party without a good brat and a heaping mound of sauerkraut.
Hi Weet, Great to have you back! I’m one of those folks that rarely comment, although I’ve read your blog for years. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you (um, in a non-stalker-type way…just to be clear.;)). Look forward to whatever you post here…whenever… -Joy
Have been looking for you – glad you’re not gone! I miss us too (although I must admit it has been the one-way street you are recognizing – sorry!) But I am out here and I enjoy hearing about/from you.
You can’t get rid of me that easily, girly. Glad you’ll be back more often!
Hooray! I’ve missed you, too. I’m another lurker, happy to have sat back and comment only a handful of times. I’m an Australian chick who has been reading for years and I keep coming back. I’m glad you’re on Twitter too, I like that I can still get daily doses of Weetaness in between blog posts.
Read ya later… 🙂
Oh, so relieved the blog and your ever-stellar writing will be returning after the technical issues resolve and the crazed hacker or bot or whatever it is is off your trail again.
Still catching up with you, kind of, on Twitter, a helpful little thing isn’t it? Anyway, carry on, I’ll certainly stay tuned to all things “Bix”
I’m still here, always reading, rarely commenting, just like I have been since a mutual virtual friend emailed us both eleventy squillion internet years ago and said, ‘hey, I like both your diaries and you will like each other!’ after I posted pictures of my kitty cute shoes. Can’t get rid of me that easily!
I certainly agree that WI is one of the prettiest states in America, and also I will second the wonderful mystery of community writing online can create. For the record I miss Elastic Waist, mostly because I miss your very reliable voice and am happy I can hear it here, first and hopefully often.
I need to write in my diary again, and sort of feel that I will. Even if it’s only about my damn bangs.
Phew….for a moment there I thought you were saying That’s It Folks! Please don’t do that to me. I rarely comment, but I LOVE reading you….I’m in England, so can’t turn into a scary stalker, you’re safe. Unless I ever make it to Wisconsin….
Keep writing, I’ll keep reading.
I am another of those non commenting, non weetacon attending long time readers who LOVE your blog.
And your writing. You mentioned you were starting a novel….for that I would gladly sacrifice
the daily updates of the blog. I love that there are fab women everywhere not just on the coasts
( and I say this as a New Yorker and someone who superficially has nothing in common with you –
other that a love of books, good wine, great shoes and best friends!)
So glad you’re back! It’s always been great to read someone that not only “gets” it, but puts it out there. Mwah! and Thank You!
Yay! You’re back!
glads to have you back!
This post is one I’m going to recall whenever I have a hard time describing how I ‘know’ people online when our only real interaction is that I’m reading their diaries (blogs, journals, etc.). About a month ago I got stuck in a conversational cul-de-sac, and even used your site as an example of how there’s a whole ocean of relationships between the normal benchmarks of regular friend, acquaintance, online friend (where emails are exchanged), work friend and columnist whom I read.
FWIW, I think that you’ve got a real talent for creating a feeling of community among otherwise disparate groups of people. Weetacon, the holiday card exchange, even the SP fitness challenges – you’ve got a knack for creating spaces where people can relate to each other easily and genuinely, and it’s awesome.
Whew….for a minute I thought this was a ‘farewell’ entry….glad to see you’re staying and going to be updating more – your entries always Rock!
You always make me smile, no matter the time between entries. Thanks for coming back 🙂
I’ll continue to keep up! And this spring (though I’m sure it will feel like winter in WI), me and hopefully the husband will be at Weetacon!!!
Count me as one more lurker/admirer who was convinced you were coming back only to say goodbye. What a relief to find that isn’t true!
Back? Dude, I never left.
Hurrah. I have been reading you for YEARS and I honestly cannot say whether or not I have commented before today, but this post did it. I am here and proud! Of you!!!
Thank god! I have many, many boring moments at work and I missed your blog as an excellent filler.
And to all those who have considered attending a Weetacon but for some reason haven’t made it – it really shouldn’t be missed!
In my ongoing effort to self-edit and be succinct, I shall say …
HALLELUJAH!
Ahem.
(P.S. — YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!)
I’m so glad your blog is back up and running! I have missed it!
I miss us too. Sniffle. I promise I’ll comment more!
ditto on all comments. Rarely comment but have been a reader for years (since before weetacon 1 as i recall). Can’t remember how I first came across you but have loved your writing style since day 1. You frequently make me laugh out loud. I’m in .au so no stalkage danger from me.
I don’t think I really knew why I was still writing a blagh still. But you hit the nail on the head – I needed to not feel alone. Thanks for explaining it.
I’ve never commented either – but I’ve enjoyed reading your blog since I was about 16 – and I’m in my mid-twenties now. We are out there – don’t stop! 🙂
So, so, so glad you’re back.
Sister, I’m with you there on the truffled egg / bratwurst thing.
Yay, Weet! Or, maybe, yay? I was excited to see a new entry, but now…I don’t know. I mean, do I have the sophistication to keep up? It’s going to be hard, trying to read them there big words while keeping sauerkraut from falling off my brat onto the keyboard.
Tongue-in-cheek, because I do get what you are saying. I live in very blue-collar Wisconsin, and it can be frustrating. I shake my fist in rage daily at the comments in the local paper. I weep with sadness for the way the people and legislature are gutting the educational system, once a jewel in the crown of progressive Wisconsin. I get what you are saying. At the same time, are ALL your Wisconsin friends truly the yokels they are made out to be here? And Kitty, have you really NEVER met a Wisconsinite who doesn’t care one whit about Brett Favre (or does, but also is interested in world affairs)? You don’t know any Wisconsinites who might be debating the merits of New Glarus versus Lake Louie, not Bud versus Miller, or Torrontes versus Albarino?
I don’t know why I’m being so defensive, considering I’m sure I’ve made similar comments to myself. Forgive me. I really am glad you’re back.
I’ve also been reading you for years, and the feeling you’ve described here – the loneliness – is why I took my own leap and signed up for the first Card Exchange. It’s become one of my favorite parts of the year, and I start looking forward to it when summer gets here. (and, since we’re being honest, being unemployed this summer means I already have cards designed AND constructed, so hopefully this isn’t the year you stop doing it. :o) )
Weet, I have been reading you since the very beginning, and only said ‘hi’ a few times. Somehow I still think of you and MoPie and Jenfu and your circle of internet lovelies as my secret once-removed friends (that I’ve never met nor really spoken to.) In fact, after being addicted to reading blogs for years (same loneliness factor you spoke of) I rarely do anymore, except for checking in on you every now and again. Seeing you post more often is encouraging, and I hope you’ll continue to share your charming point of view with all of us. You are adored!
I’ve missed us too! Lucy up above (points) said everything I wanted to say, darn it all. Over the past 4-5 years, you have inspired this southern girl to yearn for brats, cheese curds, and actual SNOW on more than one occasion. Looking foward to more tales from Bixville!
Yeah – I’m behind. but I loved this entry. All sorts of things all at once. xomkr