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Category Archives: Diaryland

Custom made pudding… and testosterone… yummm!!!

This morning, I was driving behind a white delivery type van. It had a big insignia of ‘Louie’s’ on it, and the L was wearing a crown. Beneath the royal crest of the house of Louie, was the slogan ‘Custom Made Puddings’. What? ‘Custom Made Puddings’ And then a list: Bread Pudding, Rice Pudding, Tapioca […]

Do not fear the Body Butter

Weetabix: Scratch my back please? Esteban: (scratches Weetabix’s back) Weetabix: (undulating and twisting, trying to maneuver her back so that he hits the itchy spot) Lower’. Left’. Down’ the other down’. Other’no’ move’. Arrrrgghh! Esteban: Where?!?!?! Weetabix: I think my skin is dry and that’s why it’s itchy. Can you put some Body Butter on […]

My little kumquat…. mwah mwah mwah.. my little fuzzy kiwi… mwah mwah mwah!

Guess what? Starbucks Guy’s name is Jason. I think I’ll still call him Starbucks Guy though. I don’t want him to Google himself or anything. So this morning, I took a “flex” morning, which meant that I basically used three hours of the time I normally get screwed out of since I’m salaried (but normal […]

Dr. Livingston… your hummus I presume?

I’m taking a break from emptying my kitchen cabinets of 5 and a half years worth of junk. I have lids to plastic containers long missing. I have no less than eight different ugly florist vases. I save every recipe known to man. I probably only regulary cook the same 20 things. And I don’t […]

Line Dancing lesbians and urine colored kitchen

So very tired. So much debauchery takes all my pizzazz, I tell you. Actually, there was very little debauchery this weekend. It was very surreal, if anything. We had a bit of a conundrum at Chez Weetabix on Friday night. Mom had begun painting the kitchen on Friday with what was supposed to have been […]

Jiffy Pop Bra and Hot Hooters…oooh!

My sister Mo left a message in the guestbook stating that she has a water-filled bra and it does not freeze when she goes outside. She then immediately sent me an email (we were at work) telling me to read my guestbook. I replied “Did I really want to know that?”, meaning that my little […]

Bad Ass Turd Brains drive Poorly in Snow

We had umpteen inches of snow last night. The world looks pretty and white, like the Republican Party Christmas cards. I actually had a hard time opening the front door this morning, because the porch was covered with white fluff. It sieved through the full-length screen (which I haven’t exchanged for the glass panel’ the […]

Weetabix has a day filled with trucks

So my day today: Blew ass. Started off kind of ok. Called in and took a vacation day, as I have 8 copy paper boxes to fill with things from our kitchen cupboards. Then I proceeded to sleep, perchance to dream, until almost 11:00 a.m. I got up and checked my email, chatted a bit, […]

My Karma needs new tires and a front end alignment

Yesterday I had my terribly expensive spa experience and let me tell you… I want more. First off, I sprinted out of my office like a drag queen at a Nascar rally. I was terrified that any one of my team members would suddenly contract Ebola or have a sick child or a hang nail […]

Please club me over the head if I’m ever Fresh and Full of Life

Last night, I noticed a show in the cable guide called ‘Burger Meister’. No shit. It’s a cooking show about making burgers. That night, the guy was making salmon burgers. Just so you know, if you bump into that show, that is not Esteban. He will not own up to the Burgermeister title, and certainly […]

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