I went to the dentist yesterday’. Actually, not my dentist as he is on vacation, one of his Dr. John clones. I had never seen this one before. I was lying in the chair with my little paper drool bib on when she came up behind me and introduced herself. I turned my head to […]
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Thursday, November 1, 2001
You know, a few weeks back on Saturday Night Live, they had a skit about ‘Where are the Now’ for Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and it got me thinking. What the fuck was up with that movie? Wonka is a freaking sociopath! River of chocolate’or river of lost souls? And that fucked up […]
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Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Here’s that ghost story I promised: First off, you should know that my mother was nomadic in my earlier childhood. To get some idea of exactly how nomadic she was, I have lived in no less than twenty different homes (not including my dorm room in college) in my life and only four of them […]
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Wednesday, October 31, 2001
Boo. Today I’m dressed as Grumpy Ear Ache Girl, most noticeable by my rendition of her trademark cry: ‘What? What? I can’t hear out of that ear!’ Yesterday, I spent exactly 45 minutes at work. About five minutes of that was spent tenderly trying to insert my headphone, which is like a hearing aid and […]
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So, I’m thinking of pitching this movie to Hollywood producers. Here’s the gimmick: a girl who only goes out with men who drive foreign sports cars gets flummoxed somehow by Rue McClanahan’s breasts so that when she looks at men with pieces of shit cars, she’ll think they’re Porches and Jaguars and the like. She […]
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Approppo of nothing, here is a list of things I don’t think I’ve written about here, but maybe I have. Anywho, here it is. 1.&AAk-I played flute in our high school marching band. 2.&AAk-I lettered in forensics, newspaper, band, Academic Decathlon, and drama. 3.&AAk-My IQ score is supposedly quite high. 4.&AAk-I suck at math. 5.&AAk-My […]
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I’ve been trying to figure out what bugs me about the new movie Shallow Hal for a couple of days. You know the one where Gwyneth Paltrow plays har har a 300 pound woman guffaw who looks like Gwyneth Paltrow when seen through the eyes of an asshole ha ha who has been afflicted somehow […]
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Saturday, October 27, 2001
Ok, I must preface this entry with the fact that I have had a mysterious free-range organically grown headache for the last three days. I attribute it to the fact that I must be having an estrogen fiesta in my body and it’s hormonal, but nearly everyone at work has the exact same headache. It […]
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My head hurts. I’ll tell you why tomorrow. Now I’m going to bed. And no, it has nothing to do with the ass splinter.
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Thursday, October 25, 2001
Today, in a rash of strange behavior that benefits our credit rating, I decided to try to pay Esteban’s credit card over the phone, where it would get there on time and not be hampered by anthrax, small pox, or premenstrual syndrome. Big mistake. I went to their web page to get the phone number […]
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