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Category Archives: Diaryland

When he starts driving a Winnebago and bungi jumping, I’m voting him off the island

Yesterday, an office coworker declared her love to me. I think it was because I looked so totally cute yesterday, with my little houndstooth blazer with its little leather accents. I was way cute. I said so myself, in fact. That’s when she told me that she loved me. I’m only partially cute today, wearing […]

A bite-sized entry

Yesterday was one of those days where my stomach was a bottomless pit. Stop looking at me like that. It is NOT like that every day! I swear, I could not get enough to eat. I went to Subway for lunch and got one of their foot-long Veggie Subs, ala Jarad the Former Fat Media […]

To Whom It May Concern

Yesterday, it was 46 degrees, gusts up to twenty miles and hour and raining. I think it was sleeting for a while too. Needless to say, I didn’t go golfing, which pissed me off. I think golf season is done. There is a freeze advisory tonight, lows into the upper 20s. We’ll probably have snow […]

Buy stock in Advil, because it’s going up, baby!

This weekend is the weekend of hobbies for me. Last night, I went to a “cropfest” and added a whopping eight pages to my scrapbooks. If you do not scrapbook, this may seem like a paltry result of six hours of labor, but I kid you not, that is infuckingcredible. Plus they look very nice, […]

Dear Faith Hill… you’re only famous because you look like a Barbie Doll

Good Lord. Can I digress from the normal diary fare for just a minute? When Mike ‘Boogie’ from Big Brother proposed to Krista ‘Trailer Trash’, I suddenly realized that they must have consummated their dysfunction. Then I had hysterical blindness, perhaps due to his baby blue leather basketball outfit that had ‘Chill Town’ written in […]

I don’t even eat strawberry jelly anymore, I’m too traumatized.

Last night, I came home from work to my husband doing dishes without a shirt. Men, if you want to instantly turn on your lady, affect a Chippendale dancer look while doing the housework. The only downfall was that I couldn’t act on my state of mind for fear that he’d stop doing the dishes. […]

That’s not a raisin, that’s an earwig!

In the wee hours of the morning, after falling back asleep following a YEOWARLLLLLLLLLL episode from our dear cat Chelsea, I had one of those strange and disturbing dreams. First of all, I believe that there was a really cheesy horror movie from the 80’s that shared the same plot of my dream. I was […]

And now it’s time for the bonus round

My entry today left me feeling unfulfilled, thus a bonus round of Weetabix.diaryland.com tonight. I didn’t mean to give the impression this morning that women desire a man who knows how to do magical things with his tongue. Honestly, while a Gene Simmonsesque ability to lick ones own eyebrows is admirable, if not a little […]

My cat can beat up your cat

I think that when you reach a certain age and you haven’t had children to distract you, you begin to adopt pseudo-children. My cats will be the death of me yet. A summary: I own two cats. Chelsea is an eighteen-year-old, orange-striped barn cat without front teeth. Tilly began her life in a comic book […]

Open tongue wounds… it’s a good thing

I have eaten too much pineapple and now my mouth is full of little tiny burning cuts. That’s a Monday for you. Right there. Yet do I cease eating the pineapple? Does the stinging pain adhere itself into my short term memory until I become conditioned to associate pineapple with pain? It does not. This […]

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