Zebra mussels: scourge of the Great Lakes region!
Esteban and I went for a lovely drive along the lakeshore, to look at expensive properties which we will never own. I spotted several large fish doing the hokey-pokey in the shallows, and busted out to the beach to take a closer look.
Attired in shorts and hippy sandals, this was a bad idea. Aside from the normal dead fish schmeng and fresh-water clam shell here or there, there was a MOUNTAIN of MILLIONS of Zebra Mussel shells which stretched between us and the frolicing fish. What the hell, I’m thinking, so we traversed onward, to gawk at the fish, who were, in fact, doing the horizontal mambo right out in the open, not really caring who saw them.
Guess what. Zebra mussel shell drifts are much like snow drifts, which is to say that walking on them makes you sink down into their briny, sharp little corpses. And hippy sandals do not protect you.
I got about half way through and realized that I was cutting my feet into ribbons and then I was pretty much trapped there. So I stood there while Esteban wandered out to watch the fornicating fish. I hummed “Let’s Get It On” to further the mood for them, hoping they wouldn’t notice the human voyeur. I encouraged Esteban to sing a little Barry White for the fish, which had been now identified as salmon, but he would have no part of it. He just watched them, salavating, thinking about how he was screwed out of getting sushi yesterday.
But I will never know what fucking fish look like, but from afar. Because I was stranded in a pile of mussel shells, bleeding, attracting fresh-water sharks and the like.
Zebra Mussels. Not a good thing.
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If this entry ends up pulling a lot of Google hits when people search on things like “Fish Fucking” or “Zebra Mussel fornication”, it’s just going to confirm that which I know already: the world is full of really sick folks.
This coming from the fish voyeur.
Have an interesting animaal fornication story to share? Write about it in my Fish Fucker Log!
