Guess who’s the single worst Aunt in all of Auntiedom?
That would be me.
Yesterday, my sister picked me up as we were going to take Abby, who graces yon banner ad below, to the park. I grabbed my camera and off we went. We were in the park nary five minutes before Abby decides to scurry up this weird corkscrew thing. The Corkscrew of Death, we would later learn.
As she climbed up, she bumped her forehead. She was undaunted but Amy was concerned. What does Big Caring Auntie Weetabix say? Does she say ‘Pull that child off those Bars of Injury before she decapitates herself?’. Does she remind Amy of the Monkey Bar Slaughter of 1978? She does not.
She instead measures the look of concern on Amy’s face and says ‘Kids are going to get hurt sometimes, Amy. Relax.’ And then goads the two-year-old on.
I truly had the best of intentions here. I was thinking with my Gender Role mind. I was thinking, ‘hmmm, if Abby had been a boy, then Amy wouldn’t have reacted the same way. She would have been less afraid to see a boy get hurt. These moments are the things that build low self-esteem in girls. She should learn that she shouldn’t be afraid of a little failure.’
Anyway, the clinical psychologist side of me had very good intentions.
And then she bumped her mouth. And her mouth started bleeding. And we discovered that she chipped a front tooth.
Now, she’s going to be looking like some little trailer-trash wanker child with a mouth full of broken Chiclets. She might as well have a Kool-Aid mustache permanently affixed to her face.
Guess who’s never getting to babysit ever?
That would be me.
I thought I had gotten Pink Eye from the guestbook but now I believe I have found the culprit. I believe that my contagion has been identified. It is Pamie over at Squishy, who’s been using the same mascara since 1992. Thanks. Don’t you realize that when you use old makeup, you’re using the makeup of everyone who’s borrowed that makeup, and everyone who’s borrowed THEIR makeup before that? When in doubt, throw it out.
Practice safe glamour, people. It’s for the best, really.
