I am so pissed.
Today, one of the underwires in one of my new bras gave up the fight. Yep. Around 3:15 pm at work, suddenly SPRIONG! in the armpit. And it was one of my favorites, too. A retro bra that made the girls do this little pointy thing, like I was a 1940’s girl painted on the side of a B-52 bomber, only cute and chubby.
How is it that they can put cheese in a spray can, make rain bead up on a car that has been left in the Mojave desert for 3 months, and make a gun that shoots nails and gives Bob Vilas a big hard-on, but they have been STUMPED by the whole concept of breast hoisting.
Ok, truthfully, I am demanding a lot from this little wire. That is a lot of Weetabix cargo to be hoisting there. But if they’re going to charge me $32 a bra, shouldn’t they make them out of space age material, not fucking craft wire!
And then there are those bras that advertise “No Poke” wire. Yeah. That’s about as trustworthy as “No, really, I’ll pull out.”
So I’m jaded. But I also have a pierced underarm, dammit. I’m allowed to be a little hostile.
Thus I spent the rest of the day with one shoulder higher than the other to avoid the carnage that was happening in my left armpit. Combining this with the pink eye, I think I looked a little bit like Renfield. I was thinking about maybe seeing if I could pull off a Pirate look, though. If I added a little black patch over my oozing eye, maybe I could get away with ending every sentence with “Arrrr”. I couldn’t do it over the phone, though, because the whole effect would be lost.
Immediately, Esteban would regret buying me a Pirate Play Set for Christmas. Of this I am certain.
Social psychologists have isolated hidden messages in the sound effects in the original series “Star Trek”.
The laser sound (when slowed down): a woman’s voice saying “Mountain Dew is all you need…. you don’t need a girlfriend.”
The phaser sound (when run backwards and filtered): A stern voice saying “There will never be a better home for you than in your parent’s basement.”
The “beaming” sound (when sped up and digitized): a voice saying “Nurse Chappell is hot. She wants you. She wants it baaaaad, big boy. She’s trying to convince Lt. Uhura into a threesome with you.”
I never understood why the original “Star Trek” series gives me a headache and I now understand.
Remarkably, they’ve also found subliminal messages in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. They are as follows:
“You are remarkably cool and have a tremendous propensity to verbal wit.”
“You can kick someone’s ass without any phsyical training or preparation. You’re tough and yet stylish.”
“You are attracted to big quiet guys with huge foreheads.”
“You desire Leather Pants of Ass-Kicking. And you’d look HOT (and then there’s the sound of someone saying “ssssssss” as they touch a finger to their butt in demonstration)
“You want to do Eliza Dushku, even if you’re pretty sure you’re not a lesbian. We think there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s ok. We’re trying to talk her into a threesome with you and your significant other.”
“Did we mention that you are one hot chick?”
“You look like one sexy Pirate girl.”
This all explains so much.
My mood right now according to my Mood Nail Polish: “Chipping Fish Scales”.
Have you Seen These?
2001-06-25 – SUBLIMINAL {new} MESSAGES {bra} REVEALED {needed}!!!
2001-06-25 – Monkey Bars 1, Small Child 0, Weetabix -342
2001-06-24 – Don’t call Chez Weetabix before 10 AM on the weekend, ‘k?
