Tonight the new season of Buffy premieres!
If you’ve been watching along on Fx/TV (as I know you all have!), you might feel a little lost if you jump right into the fifth season.
Here’s a breakdown.
The Scooby Gang (Willow, Xander, and Giles) has gained a few more friends since Season 1. First of all, Willow’s a lesbian and she and her girlfriend Tara are powerful witches. Xander is Mr. No Special Powers Guy, but his girlfriend is an ex-Vengeance Demon. No, she’s not retarded; the running joke for the last three seasons is that she doesn’t really understand our world, as she was all demony for the last couple of centuries. Yeah, it’s getting a little old. Anyway, they’re engaged as of the season finale. I’m certain wacky hijincs will ensue from this plot point. There’s also a vampire hottie named Spike. He’s the guy who looks as though he’s channeling Billy Idol, complete with British accent. He used to be all fangy and evil, but then the government put a chip in his head and it gives him a killer migraine if he hurts a human. Demons are fair game for him, though. He’s also desperately in love with Buffy, who doesn’t really want anything to do with him. So desperately in love with Buffy in fact, that he commissioned a Buffy Look Alike Robot to boff. A little pathetic, yes. Spike is a little new to being Chivalry guy, but other than that, he’s making a good go of it. Buffy’s familial sitch has changed considerably. First of all, her mom Joyce died early last season of a non-supernatural brain tumor. I think the writers have a thing for head pain. Also, Buffy has gained a fourteen-year-old little sister. Yeah, I know she didn’t have one in the beginning of Season 1, but it was magical wackiness and now she does. Her name is Dawn and here’s the clincher:
Buffy died to save her in the season finale. (cue sad music of sisterly martyrdom)
I know. It’s a big ‘Whoa! Wait a minute! This show is called ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ not ‘The Scooby Gang She Left Behind’!’ One would think, however, that the Scooby Gang, being as adept as they are in Witch-Fu and supernatural stuff, would figure something out to bring the slayer back to life.
One would think, anyway. We’ll just have to see!!! (cue scary music of apprehension’ music swells to a crescendo)
UPN tonight at 8 pm Eastern, 7 pm Central. The rest of the country’ just do the math, as I’m not sure how your wiggy television schedule works.
Well, looks like the trip to Minneapolis (which I had previously talked about in this here space) is not going down. More specifically, it’s going down, but I won’t be. Something about the time I was arrested in the sculpture garden at the Guthree for screaming “Anyone wanna see my cherry!” or something like that. It’s all a blur. Prince wasn’t a help either… he was muttering and acting all foolish. It’s a wonder we got off with probation.
Dear Right Eye,
Please stop watering. You’re making me look like a freak.
Thank you,
Weetabix
Dear Will Ferrell,
Must your huge head be in every comedic movie that comes out? Really? Because you’re not at all funny. Are you possibly the love child of Wayne Rogers (of M*A*S*H fame) and Mr. Potato Head?
Yours truly,
Weetabix
