Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was funny and bright and loved to read 19th century English literature. She wandered through her eclectic little life quite happily, flitting from book to book, occasionally making failed attempts at emulating Martha Stewart. Then one day, she picked up a new book, a children’s book. ‘Harry Potter?’ she said, inquisitively. ‘I’ll give it a go.’ She predicted that she would become exasperated with the writing within twenty pages, but wanted to see what all of the fuss was about.
Four books later, she’s a drooling, psycho maniac. When, oh when will the next book come out!!!
Six months, people. Six freaking months before J.K. decides to earn another million dollar check from Scholastic Books. The woman is the second richest woman in England. I suppose the Queen is the richest. I’m not entirely certain. Levontaun had it right’ let’s all go and break into her house to read her manuscript.
Damn her. Damn her Muggle ass all to hell.
Seen somewhere:
Radio Shack: You’ve got questions’We’ve got blank stares.
Last night, I ended up stuck on the telephone with some guy in California, where it was not 6:45 at night, but rather 4:45 p.m. and he had all the time in the world. And I think he was smoking ganga as we were trying to fix his program. He was totally laid back. I think I could have said ‘And now pick up your pc and hurl it violently out the window.’ And he would have said, ‘Um, yeah, I’m going to have to put the phone down for a minute’.’ And then I’d hear the sound of his pc being brought to the window while Dells and Compaqs on the street below yelled, ‘Jump!’
Maybe I should go work for Radio Shack instead.
Has Friends now become so lame it needs its own handicapped parking spot at the Lame Sitcom Hall of Fame? It seems as though once the cast got their $100,000 an episode per Friend, they got lazy. Or maybe it’s the writing. I used to watch the show because I could see myself in the characters, could see my friends in the characters. They used to be people I’d want to hang around with, but now they’re mainly people who belong in a group home for socially inept losers.
I think they’re just caricatures of their characters now. Monica used to have a level head on her shoulders, but now she’s the loud, obsessive-compulsive controlling one. Joey used to have a slight problem with being ditzy, but he could hold his one. Now he’s become a one-trick pony wearing a big sign stating ‘Hey, I’m the dumb one’ how you doin’???’ Could Chandler BE any more sarcastic? Esteban can’t even watch Ross anymore because he’s such a complete loser that he’s embarrassed for him.
Also, the end is, unfortunately, in sight. Now that Chandler and Monica have hooked up and the permanent pairing of Ross and Rachel is imminent, will Phoebe and Joey follow suit? Well, duh.
I’m watching Survivor instead. Someone tell me if Monica stops acting like a scary, skinny freak.
I do have to note, however, that the Paste Pants episode was brilliant. Pure comedic brilliance.
Robert Altman, director of such forgotten films as Mash and Nashville is blaming the terrorist attacks on the movies. Without naming names such as Jerry Bruckheimer and Die Hard, he lambasted the movie industry by stating “The movies set the pattern, and these people have copied the movies.” Incidentally, the FBI has recently uncovered a plot by the Taliban to collapse the walls of Sally Kellerman’s bathroom while she is showering and then they’re going to build a man who has scissors instead of hands. The Taliban declined to comment, as they were busy taking turns being John Malkovich.
