So who’s the biggest loser in all of Loserdom?
That would be me.
Friday night, prime going out night, time to indulge in all that is hedonistic, satisfying and possibly perverted, guess what I did.
Scrapbooked.
With my boss. In a conference room at work.
How’s THAT for excitement?!?!?!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I only got four pages done too. Even when I’m being a loser, I fail to be a loser well.
Yesterday morning, I got up and scooted off to my very favorite craft show of the season. I don’t know why it’s my very favorite craft show’ there’s really nothing special about it. It’s at a high school that I didn’t even attend. Actually, I would have attended it most likely if my mom hadn’t gotten a bug up her ass to own horses, so we moved from that suburb out to the country where then she ended up divorcing my wicked stepfather and moving to a slum in the city, beginning our nomadic odyssey throughout the rental properties in Green Bay.
Where was I? Oh yes, craft show. I don’t know why it’s my favorite, it just is. For some reason I look forward to it. I think because I actually purchase things at that one, as opposed to the others where I pay my buck, wander around sneering at the crocheted beer can hats and many painted wood gimcrack, and then wander away feeling aimless and unfulfilled.
I can’t believe I finally found an opportunity to use the word ‘gimcrack’. I had to memorize that in 11th grade English and this is the first time in my life I’ve ever used it. Wow.
So anyway, I drove with excitement to the little suburb, which incidentally is as far as you can get from my house and still be considered part of the greater Green Bay area. When I got there, steeling myself for a hassle trying to find a parking spot, I found ample parking. In fact, no cars at all. No sign on the door. Nothing. Other carloads of women were also driving up, sitting there stupefied and then driving away. I drove slowly home, bummed that there would be no sneering at the gimcrack today. In fact, I drove by no less than three signs advertising that missing craft show, so I know that I had the right day. I’m just stumped as a chopped down rainforest.
I got home and Esteban had managed to crawl out of bed and ensconce himself on the sofa. We went out for lunch and then drove around getting new waterbed conditioner stuff and a cable to fix the lawnmower thing. We discussed all of our ambitious projects for the day. Esteban planned to fix the lawnmower, edge all of the concrete for easy snowblowing, start the snowblower to make sure it was working ok, mow the lawn to mulch the few leaves we had, and then make some progress on the pile of dishes that is threatening to take over our kitchen. I had planned to sand, wash, and then stain the thing around the window in our front door, work on the laundry because it smells like unwashed anal cleft in our bedroom and it is hard to be in the mood for sleep or other bedroom activities when you’ve got unwashed ass aromatherapy going on, and clean the living room.
We always over plan. We’re overachievers in theory and lazy asses in practice. Esteban did better than I did. He fixed the lawnmower and did two-thirds of the edging. I read a book and lay on our bed, breathing through my mouth so I didn’t have to smell the laundry funk. At one point, I put away some towels. Go me.
Then, we managed to make some progress on our home improvement plans. Currently, the kitchen expansion project progresses. Ward has built up the floor in what used to be the breezeway and has now removed the wall separating the kitchen and the breezeway, thus our kitchen is now 72 square feet larger. He’s going to put another layer on the floor, then finish the walls. At one point, we’ll need to remove the linoleum and put new stuff down. That’s where I come in. No, I’m not going to put down the linoleum’ cripes, this isn’t Trading Spaces and Ward isn’t that cute carpenter Ty. I had to PICK OUT the new flooring. That’s my involvement right there. At one point, I anticipate painting, but that’s about it.
Yes, I know what a useless tool I am. If they needed copy written about the project, I’d be so there, but as it is, there’s not much I can do. I was built for comfort, not functionality!
So we picked out some flooring and found that it will be $600 to put flooring down. Yipes. That sucks. That’s most of a surround sound system, right there. That’s a king size mission bed. I don’t know why we don’t just staple $1 bills to the floor and then cover them with Contact paper. It would be cheaper.
Then we went to see Monsters, Inc., which was extremely cute. Esteban’s verdict ‘Eh’. I think I just enjoyed hearing the little kids’ reactions in the audience, although at one point, they showed a monster scaring the snot out of a little kid and in the audience, one kid burst out in giggles. There’s a kid who needs counseling.
We also went to dinner at’. Wait for it&AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9- a NON-SPORTS BAR!! Wow! We were going to go someplace nouveau, but at the last minute, I decided I wanted beef, bun and cheese, and most places were packed, so we ended up at a little bar up the street from our home. Damn, it was good too! We only had to sit through one off-color joke from the bartender. Oh, and there was a sign above the door which read ‘Private Property: No Unauthorized Trespassing Unless You’ve Got Big Boobs’. Guess I’m in.
Hope your weekend was grand!
