Twas the day before the day before Christmas and all through Casa Weetabix
Not a creature was stirring but for a curvy round girl pulling out all her holiday tricks
the laundry needed washing, presents needed wrapping
her fingernail polish chipped, litter box full of cat crappings
a box of Ghiradelli cookie mix sat unopened and wasted
the visions she had of passing the cookies off as homemade were no longer to be tasted
all about the home unwrapped presents lay scattered
while yon curvy Weetabix had apathy, none of that mattered
without women, it seemed, Christmas just doesn’t get done
guys just don’t seem to care about well-thought out gifts and happy food of the season
doubled over with cramps, Weet flew from her computer desk
scurried around, trying to comprehend the mess
presents in the Monte, presents in the garage,
presents in the dining room, hall and in her long term storage
all waiting for her hands to wrap, tape and adorn
while Esteban surfed the internet looking for porn (ok, not really, but it rhymed)
“Up, Up I say!” She said with alarm
“I need help with this! Cause I don’t give a darn
If you’re a big burly guy with no care for the season
half this shit’s for YOUR family, that’s enough reason
for you to get wrapping, get tying, start making bows
Get moving, get up, go now go!”
Esteban rose from his seat, afraid of this beast
who had the PMS and wasn’t caring in the least
He got in his truck, drove off in a hurry
returned with 65 gift bags, tissue paper, and then he did scurry
stuffing the bags with all Weet’s holiday stash
far less stressful than wrapping and well worth the cash
Weetabix smiled at her spouse, tipped back a Blind Russian and said “let’s hit the hay”
Esteban checked his watch thoroughly and said “It’s the middle of the day!”
“I know” said dear Weet, “but I must confess
I’ve been a bad girl… and you’ve been the best.”
She gave him a kiss and then off they went to bed
where Weetabix gave him an early Christmas present for him to unwrap instead
They were heard to exclaim before they closed the door and turned off the lights
“Have a super Holiday season and don’t get too stressed…. good night!”
