In my quest to find non-caffeinated Starbucks goodness for my evening “Fatal Attraction” Starbucks Guy-stalking, I tried an herbal tea called “Calm”.
Burned the shit out of my mouth. My tongue feels strangely textured because the tastebuds are completely dead.
Strangely, I feel not the least bit calmed by this.
No Starbucks Guy either. I think he may be dead.
Esteban just offered to make the drive to High Maintenance Pizza place thirty minutes away in the sleepy burg of Sobieski, Wisconsin.
First off, this NEVER happens. I am always the one to go and get the High Maintenance pizza. Always. Mostly because I don’t care. I love to drive my car. I love to drive my car fast. There is nothing better than popping in a heart pounding CD of alternative tunes and opening it up. Plus, cheesy gooey yumminess is involved, and you just got to love that. (Sure, my allergies don’t, but as we’ve discussed, I’m a bad ass who likes to break the rules.)
Just now:
Esteban: How do you spell ‘Sobieski’.
Weetabix: S-o-b-i-e-s-k-i.
A pause.
Esteban: How do you spell ‘Luigi’?
Weetabix: L-u-i-g-i.
People, he was using his wireless connection on his laptop to search the internet for the phone number to the High Maintenance Pizza place.
The phone book was six feet away from him.
Then I hear the sound of the phone being dialed.
Esteban: (speaking into phone) Wisconsin… Sobieski… Luigi’s.
He called fucking 411. Apparently, being lazy is worth $1 to him.
And actually, the only reason I’m writing this is so I don’t forget for the next time he kvetches at me for my $4.25 morning Mocha.
I haven’t fainted once since yesterday. And my Sims still aren’t having non-heterosexual nookie.
It must be Monday.
Oh god… I think someone has a case of the Mondays.
I watched Office Space this weekend, by the way. Fuckin’ Aye. Strangely, I felt oddly very calmed by it all.
Also, I think I am that big haired sing-songy voiced plus sized coworker who answered the phone “Initel… please hold” in that goofy voice. That’s me. Except that tomorrow I won’t be able to do my sing-songy “Technical support this is Weetabix” because I’ll have a deadened tongue. It will totally throw off my rhythm.
Starbucks Guy wouldn’t have burned my tongue. Or maybe he would have wanted to kiss it and make it better.
Ooh! Bad Weetabix! Having inappropriate Starbucks Guy thoughts again. Must think of Verizon Guy instead. Actually, the Verizon Guy, if he were a little more linebackery, resembles Starbucks Guy quite a bit. I’m sensing a trend here.
Oh, by the way, High Maintenence Pizza isn’t open on Mondays. (pout) S’ok… not like I could taste the stuff anyway.
