I think I’m getting sick.
I think it’s because I started to take vitamins a few months ago and then forgot for three days but because my body got so accustomed to the extra Clubhouse Pow!! it forgot how to fend for itself.
I had some kind of prolonged episode today while on the phone with my tech guy in NYC. To him, I sounded like this ‘And then I&AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9-..chk’ um, so we’ll need to assure that they have propmama&AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9-.. um, proper access to both databasessssssuh&AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9- before we send you out to remove one and swap to the uh uh uh otherwah&AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9AO8AvwC9-.. one.’ With the spaces being when I put him on mute so he wouldn’t hear me sneezing the top of my head off nor dealing with the flood of snot coming forth from my deceivingly cute sorority girl nose.
I’m pretty sure it’s stress related. Either that or I drank so much last weekend that I put my body into shock and all the bad germs took over, like some South American revolution and now my white blood cells are singing ‘Don’t Cry for Me Heart And Liver!!’ while the mean gangly germs are pacing below, getting ready to bust into the capital building and steal all the Diego Rivera paintings.
Once upon a time I had a throat. It was a lovely throat, clean and clear, capable of making lovely sounds, of relaxing in ways that made men swoon. But now’ now it is just a rock-jutted dirt road, strewn with broken glass.
I have no Christmas presents purchased. That’s probably why this is happening too. Because the Spirit of Christmas Past wants my ass strong out on caffeine at midnight on Christmas Eve frantically screaming at Esteban ‘Do you think your mother would like a can of Campbell’s soup for Christmas?? It’s got stars in it! Christmas stars!!!’
On top of that, for lunch today I had apple pie. And for dessert I had another apple pie. It was two apple pies for a buck at McDonald’s, on their special dollar menu, and well, I decided that if I had two pies, there was really no sense in getting anything else. I mean, my body obviously is falling apart anyway, the extra preservatives can’t really hurt anything. And besides, apples are a fruit. Seriously. Go look it up.
Oh, and by the way, is it just me or did someone at ABC totally steal my life for their sitcom Less Than Perfect? Only, I’m not someone’s assistant, I have my own career thank you very much? Her facial expressions, her little cute girl routine, her inordinately ginormous chest, it’s me. IT’S ME! Only she’s way cuter, sort of Wicked Sezzy cute. Damn. I hate it when television characters are me better than I am.
That’s it. I’m getting my hair coloured again. Mofo ABC.
People have been mentioning that I write entirely too long entries, so that’s all I have to say about that.
