men are obsessively neat and all the kids smell like doo doo
(Scene: last night while watching Tivo after Esteban deplaned from his 14 hour trip to Virginia)
Weetabix : What do you want to watch? The Queer Eye or the Good Eats?
Esteban : I don’t care. You decide. I make no decisions. Never again. Nothing.
Weetabix : Queer Eye it is then.
Esteban : (pulls up her sweatshirt and rests his head on her bare tummy)
Weetabix : Oh gay boys, how I love you all. Except Jai, whom I want to stomp on.
Esteban : Hey, a new one. I was beginning to think they no longer made new ones.
Weetabix : They’re all so pretty. I think I love Thom the best. No.. Ted. No’ I cannot decide. Kyan’s just so pretty. He probably relates to the straight guys the best because they can almost believe that he’s one of them. Carson might as well carry a parasol. I wonder if that guy knows that his brother is gay, with the mud packs.
Esteban : What the heck is that for?
Weetabix : Facials. I had a facial today, actually.
Esteban : Hehehehehe’ facial. I can give you a facial. Hehehehe’ facial.
Weetabix : And you wonder why I love the gay boys so. No wait, the brother isn’t gay’ he just made sound effects to describe sex, like it’s a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Aw, MAN! Carson just made a ‘wee’ joke. I made a ‘wee’ joke in today’s diary entry and now it looks like I totally ripped off Carson. MAN! That pisses me off.
Esteban : Er’product.
Weetabix : It doesn’t count if you just SEE product. They have to SAY ‘product’.
Esteban : Hehehe’ product.
Weetabix : Oh, he looks so much better. See’ all of these shows’ the ponytail goes. Notice that?
Esteban : At least he wasn’t wearing a Members Only jacket. You know, I know someone who still wears one of those.
Weetabix : I’ll bet you do. Wait a minute’ do I know them? Who is it?
Esteban : (silence)
Weetabix : Who is it? Is it (name withheld to protect the fashion clueless)? Come on. Farty. Farthead. Tell me.
Esteban : (silence)
Weetabix : Fartmeister!!!
Esteban : You don’t really expect me to answer to that, do you?
Weetabix : Well’
Esteban : That reminds me’ (The percussive onslaught of ass thunder fills the room) Aahh.
Weetabix : (shocked and dismayed) ESTEBAN!!!!
Esteban : What? It’s not like I could do it on the plane! It was all like impacted and stuff. This is the first chance I had.
Weetabix : You could have done it in the truck! In fact, remember that, you can ALWAYS blow ass out in your truck.
Esteban : Holy shit’ those shrimp are enormous. They’re as big as his hand! They’re like devil shrimp. Maybe they were real cheap because they got them out by the nuclear plant?
Weetabix : Ted is just so cute. It’s almost like his uncomfortable dorkiness is a cloaking device for the gaydar.
Esteban : (watching hot stripper chicks dancing with a member of Motley Crue) Did he just compliment her fingernails?
Weetabix : Yeah, that’s a French manicure.
Esteban : I mean, she had HANDS? She might have had two sharp hooks for all I knew.
Weetabix : (weaves her hands into his hair and massages his scalp) You’re so boy.
Esteban : Mmmm’ that’s nice. (earnestly and concerned) You know what though, sweetie? I think you’re going to have to take a poop really soon.
Weetabix : WHAT?
Esteban : Seriously, your tummy’ the noises. It’s all sharp and angry. You can’t feel that?
Weetabix : I feel so feminine. (announcer voice) That’s the news from her large intestine, Gary back to you!
Esteban : Hehehe’ product.
The site needs some spring cleaning. Anyone know anything about site redesign, particularly something which would work with MT, and want to do some pro bono work in exchange for linkage, please let me know via email. Thanks.
PS! It’s Sundry’s magic birthday! The day we take her out behind the school and tell her how to be the hottest chick in any bar. I hope she goes out and drinks many $2 Bacardi and cokes tonight. Be a peach and wish her happy birthday!
