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Category Archives: Diaryland

Actually, if I had a choice, I’d be Cat Woman

Scene: Watching Friends on the TiVo in bed. Esteban: So… Ross is Mike. Weetabix: I’ve been saying that since 1994! That’s nothing new… Esteban: No… listen… Ross is Mike and Joey is Jason. Weetabix: No he is not! Esteban: Totally. Weetabix: (Watches as Joey does something that is completely Jason) Oh my god. Esteban: See? […]

Arbor Day must be a freaking blood bath

Esteban has been working so intensively hard on his various projects once more that I rarely see the man. I find myself staring at him when I do see him, as if I don’t recognize him. ‘Him? I married him? Where was I when that happened?’ I think he’s going a bit feral without the […]

Day In The Life Of A Funny Girl

Just now: Weetabix: (Answering the phone and seeing Carissa on the caller id) Technical Support This is Weet-‘ Hey. Carissa: Hey. Weetabix: What’s up? Carissa: I’m, uh, reading your diary. What’s up with this ‘momtalk’ thing, which means ‘no bloody way in hell’. Weetabix: Well’ Carissa: That’s not what I meant. Weetabix: That’s what MY […]

Play it now, play it now, play it now my babeeee Chyeah!!!

So my Tivo. I’ve been using it religiously. To record Friends. Cry for me now. Mofo Friends. And not the new Friends that I missed because I was watching Big Tom and Big Tom’s Ass Crack on Survivor. No. I’m recording classic 1994 Friends repeats. You know, back when Joey wasn’t a mongoloid and Monica […]

Karma punishes the Self-Righteous. Martha Stewart better watch her…

oh, wait. Sometimes, I think I really should have listened more closely to all of that new age hippy dippy crap that was floating around my childhood home. You know, the one that believed that if you had an ear infection it was because you were listening to gossip, rather than routing around with dirty […]

At least he’s a cheap date

Esteban has decided that he wishes that people had a stupidity bell inside their brains, the kind that would go off when they are about to do something stupid. His theory is not only would that eradicate drunk driving, the Home Shopping Network and Ricky Martin, it would also have forced him to put on […]

How do you like your Esteban? Burnt to a crisp or pink in the middle?

I spent the entirety of yesterday in my bathing suit. I’ve never liked the term ‘bathing suit’ because it always reminds me of those head-to-toe numbers that people used to wear in the early 1900’s. Like perhaps I should be ashamed that anyone looked at my ankles or some such. Honestly, it was a fabulous […]

Your monthly serving of sap

I wrote a Diaryland survey today. It was fairly slow at work so I took a few moments and made one up. Those surveys are harder than you’d think to create. I kept wanting to put questions on it like, ‘So, uh, what color socks do you have on today?’ and the like. Crazy. But […]

Back in the White Trash Nascar Saddle again

I feel human once more. I have my car back. No more truck. Yesterday and this morning, I ended up driving Joel’s car. He had left a can of Barq’s rootbeer in the backseat and it exploded in a hot sticky glurg all over the backseat. The back window is glazed with a sticky mottled […]

Blonde hair, tube tops and genes

Oh my goodness, it is so very hot. In two weeks, our weather has gone from rainy 40 degrees to 97 degrees and air that is so humid you need a snorkel to walk to your car. And to compound this, the Monte is in the shop and I must drive Esteban’s truck, which has […]

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