My sister and I went shopping for shoes. She found a pair of leopard print mule sandals for $5. Size 8 ‘ wide. ‘Do you wear a wide shoe? Is that the right size?’ I asked. ‘No,’ she says, ‘I wear a size 8 ‘ regular’. But the wide fits better.’ Um, doesn’t that mean […]
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Last night, Esteban and I had another of our famous fart discussions: He called me a ‘Farty Poop’ I countered with a scathing ‘Little Farty Poo Poo’ A bit taken aback, Esteban hurled ‘Farty Boom Boom’ Non-daunted, I parried. ‘Fartadoplious Pooptopolous’ I then inundated him with a bunch of fart expressions. Until I cracked up […]
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I’ve joined the Poet-Collab ring here at Diaryland, after I was inspired by Eloi. Inspired in a good way. Not a ‘I can do this better’ way. Just so you know, Eloi. Anywhoo, here’s my entry. This months subject is TEA. I don’t know if I had to explain that or not. I’m totally just […]
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I am so pissed. Today, one of the underwires in one of my new bras gave up the fight. Yep. Around 3:15 pm at work, suddenly SPRIONG! in the armpit. And it was one of my favorites, too. A retro bra that made the girls do this little pointy thing, like I was a 1940’s […]
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Guess who’s the single worst Aunt in all of Auntiedom? That would be me. Yesterday, my sister picked me up as we were going to take Abby, who graces yon banner ad below, to the park. I grabbed my camera and off we went. We were in the park nary five minutes before Abby decides […]
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I will never again sleep past 8:00 A.M. in the morning. It’s been determined by someone. I don’t know who. I suspect the kitchen sink may be behind it. This morning, 8:00 A.M. The phone. Again. Don’t know who it was, didn’t answer it. Then Clunk KerCHUNK Clunk KerCHUNK! from outside. Our newly-divorced neighbor apparently […]
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Overheard: “If you had a penis on your chest, I’d bet it would make belly-flops in the pool a reallll bitch.” Today began as a hellish “Clean the House” day and got so much worse. First off, I was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing at 8:00 a.m. this morning. On a Saturday. […]
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Last night, Esteban and I went to a supper club type place with Joel and Cheri and ate much underdone steak. Afterwards, we were standing around in the parking lot, silent, listening to the gastric acids in our stomachs break down the protein-heavy meal into various enzymes and apparently this made those folks with Y-chromosomes […]
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Last night, whilst I was traipsing around in my pajamas which look like actual clothing, I ventured outside and promptly stepped on a bug with my bare feet. At first I did not know what I had stepped on, just that there was this suspicious firm pebble-sized object now affixed to my right big toe, […]
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Have you tried McDonald’s new bagel breakfast sandwiches? Do they all have hollandaise sauce on them? Because I’m pretty sure that I’ve had several of these with no hollandaise sauce on them and then this morning, I unsuspectingly ordered a sausage/egg/cheese bagel sandwich and took a bite and almost projectile vomited into oncoming traffic. God, […]
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