There’s a new barista at Sbux. I pulled up the other day, cranking some NIN and wearing the Rock Star jacket. Baransky Barista took my order through the speaker (“Venti Crème de Menthe non fat no whip mocha please”), with her snipey little smugness, repeating it back to me incorrectly (“Venti Cinnamon Mocha?” “No, Vente […]
I’m ticked. Apparently, I missed out on a grand tradition at my college. The Shoe Tree fell over. Crap. That ticks me off. I had no idea that it even existed. I never actually lived on that campus, transferring from the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point when I was a sophomore to live with Esteban in […]
I think I have passed the entire movie set of Waterworld through my pores in sweat. On the plus side of things, I can now fit into my medium stage of jeans, the same ones that were six inches apart last week. Apparently, the diet of bottled water and whole grain toast is a good […]
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Esteban: (farts under covers) Weetabix: (swats him gently) Aahhhhh!!!! Flag the covers! Flag it!!!! Esteban: (waving corner of the comforter around) You hit me. Weetabix: You farted directly on me. Esteban: That’s no excuse to hit me. Weetabix: Directly. On. My. Leg. Your noxious ass fumes. Esteban: Seriously. You’re a spousal abuser. Weetabix: Arrrgh. You […]
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Esteban: So… can I use the word “cooter” now? Weetabix: Absolutely not. Esteban: You used it this afternoon. You said “I burned my cooter!” Weetabix: I only said it to make you laugh. Esteban: It was kind of funny. Weetabix: See? Esteban: But I don’t understand why— Weetabix: Because it’s… Esteban: Too “Dukes of Hazard”? […]
Thursday, February 14, 2002
Russell Crowe: Hey there Weetabix. I heard that your bloke Esteban is leaving you all alone on Valentine’s Day to work on his project. How about I take you out, Gladiator-style? Weetabix: Oh my! Russell Crowe! Wow. This is really something. Russell Crowe: Isn’t it though? Aren’t I sexy? Weetabix: Um, well, I can’t really […]
Saturday, February 2, 2002
Weetabix: Scratch my back please? Esteban: (scratches Weetabix’s back) Weetabix: (undulating and twisting, trying to maneuver her back so that he hits the itchy spot) Lower…. Left…. Down… the other down…. Other…no… move…. Arrrrgghh! Esteban: Where?!?!?! Weetabix: I think my skin is dry and that’s why it’s itchy. Can you put some Body Butter on […]
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
Weetabix’s Uterus: Grrrrrrr! I hate the world!!! Weetabix: Stop it or I’ll take another Advil. Weetabix’s Uterus: By the way, did you see how the real Jack and Jennifer are back on Days of Our Lives? See? I told you that you should quit your job and stay home and watch soap operas and clean […]
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Saturday, January 5, 2002
Esteban: How are you feeling? Weetabix: Like dog saliva. Esteban: Yum. Weetabix: (Watching a commercial for Hair Club for Men)The first rule about Hair Club: don’t talk about Hair Club. The second rule about Hair Club: you don’t talk about Hair Club. Esteban: Yes, maybe you should stop reading that book… by the way, now […]
Wednesday, December 12, 2001
Chelsea: Meow! Meow!! Meow!!! MEOW!!!! Esteban: Shush you! Weetabix: Make her stop. Esteban: (shaking his finger at her) Bad kitty. Chelsea: MARRLL! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! MEOW!! Esteban: Aww….. I just gave her the warning finger… she stopped, sniffed it and then licked it. That was cute. Chelsea: Meow! Merow! Maow! Mraow! Weetabix: She doesn’t do […]
