Ok, nary 3 hours ’till the pinnacle of Birthweek festivities (actual BirthDAY), and still not a sign of Unclebob. I think with all the free advertising I’ve given him, the mofo owes me a favorite, don’t you? Well? I am still in my twenties! Tee minus two hours fifty-four minutes and counting…. I’m all conflicted […]
Today at work they are working on the big space next to our department. Actually, they’ve been doing this for over a month, hammering, pounding, sawing, bumping, grinding, pole-dancing and what have you. And you KNOW how much I hate drilling. It makes me insane. Voices, the voices! Kill the dentist! KILL the dentist!…Um,…anyway….we’ve got […]
Ok, THIS is too funny. I should not be laughing. The pain and agony of a skanky celebrity’s husband is not funny. We here at Weetabix.diaryland.com do not condone laughing at the suffering and misfortune of the celebrity spouses or hangers on, even when they do something stupid or marry Tom Arnold. To recap, for […]
I was emailing Tess about reclaiming the “Fat Girl” and the word “Fat” and I thought I’d do an entry about it. I realize that I’ve alluded to being fat in previous entries, but here’s the whole shebang. An obligatory entry from a female diarist about her relationship with food, if you will. I’ve thought […]
I have this intense suspicion that the people at Taco Bell are really using dog food grade beef in their food. Because how else could they slap 1/3 pound of hamburger on a 79 cent taco? I don’t know why I still eat there. I think they make their profit in soda sales. I got […]
Welcome to BirthWeek Spectacular’. I’ve always thought that Birthdays were too ephemeral. I’m more important than just a DAY, goddamnit. I need a whole WEEK of subserviance and special treatment. Treat me no differently than you would the queen. Or Rupaul. That would also be acceptable. So the first order of Birthweek is to figure […]
Zebra mussels: scourge of the Great Lakes region! Esteban and I went for a lovely drive along the lakeshore, to look at expensive properties which we will never own. I spotted several large fish doing the hokey-pokey in the shallows, and busted out to the beach to take a closer look. Attired in shorts and […]
As I have had very few (read: none) responses to my Porn Twin survey, I have sought a higher authority. The Burgermeister himself. Esteban confirms that the Porn Twin does indeed look like me. I don’t really know whether to be happy about this or upset. ***************************************************** Esteban also stated that it was probably not […]
Sushi rocks. Sushi rocks my world. I love the little tray that my tuna rolls come on. I love how you take too much wasabi and your nose starts to burn and then the top of your head blows off and you can’t breath and then it’s all done and you’re ready to eat some […]
Today, Markus sent me an email at work which said that he’d be bringing over my birthday present early, since it had arrived today. He said he wasn’t expecting it so soon and had wanted to wait until my birthday, but, well, I’d understand when I saw the present. Um. Ok. Now, y’all know that […]
