Welcome to BirthWeek Spectacular’. I’ve always thought that Birthdays were too ephemeral. I’m more important than just a DAY, goddamnit. I need a whole WEEK of subserviance and special treatment. Treat me no differently than you would the queen. Or Rupaul. That would also be acceptable. So the first order of Birthweek is to figure […]
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Zebra mussels: scourge of the Great Lakes region! Esteban and I went for a lovely drive along the lakeshore, to look at expensive properties which we will never own. I spotted several large fish doing the hokey-pokey in the shallows, and busted out to the beach to take a closer look. Attired in shorts and […]
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As I have had very few (read: none) responses to my Porn Twin survey, I have sought a higher authority. The Burgermeister himself. Esteban confirms that the Porn Twin does indeed look like me. I don’t really know whether to be happy about this or upset. ***************************************************** Esteban also stated that it was probably not […]
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Sushi rocks. Sushi rocks my world. I love the little tray that my tuna rolls come on. I love how you take too much wasabi and your nose starts to burn and then the top of your head blows off and you can’t breath and then it’s all done and you’re ready to eat some […]
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Today, Markus sent me an email at work which said that he’d be bringing over my birthday present early, since it had arrived today. He said he wasn’t expecting it so soon and had wanted to wait until my birthday, but, well, I’d understand when I saw the present. Um. Ok. Now, y’all know that […]
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You know what’s scary? Sleestacks. You know, from “The Land of the Lost”, with Marshall Will and Holly, who were on a routine expidetion when the greatest earthquake ever known occurred. Sleestacks. Eeek. You know, they come at you with those lobster claw things and they make that noise at you (Weetabix tilts head back […]
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So the measuring: She tells me, “Ok, I’ll need your shoulders and your bust to neck mesurements and your arms.” And I relax because, hey, how many people have FAT bust to neck measurements. It’s not like people in personal ads remark “Svelte SWF, curvy with a luscious 12 inches from bust to neck….” Phew! […]
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Would Faith Hill be considered such a great singer if she didn’t look like a Barbie doll? Cause seriously, she really isn’t all that good. I’d call her mediocre. And that’s after all the sound mixing and digitalizing that they do on their voices. They can make a Howler Monkey sound good these days. So […]
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Am I the only one who sees that the song “Butterfly” by Crazy Town is about making a woman have an orgasm? “Come my lady, come come my lady, I’ll make your legs shake, you’ll make me go crazy.” Am I? Or is it just me. ***************************************************** This morning, I’m driving to work with my […]
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So after weeks of bemoaning my need for a banner ad for Diaryland, I finally created it. Lucky for me that my niece Abigail is some completely cute. That’s her posing for the ad. She does not, in fact, have lobsters down her pants. That was my idea of “clever”. I sat there and hit […]
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